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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? GGpe
Some people think that the number of males and females workers in management in companies should be equal and bosses should supply this. This essay completely agrees with this statement. I believe that women have got better communication skill that is necessary to manage a company or a group and some job skills not depend on sex. Firstly, the important thing for companies is earning a large income. If a company wants to do this, it needs a well-organized team. Women are really good at creating a team thanks to communication skills due to the fact that they use their emotions while talking and making decisions. For instance, in one of the companies that I worked for before, we had got a female manager and everything was on the line however after that our manager changed with a male who could not express himself. Consequently, we lost our aura in the workspaces. Secondly, I meet lots of women who are very talented in their professions. I am very close to the constructions sectors because of my job. And in the university, there were lots of very talented people about designing without connection their sex. For example, we studied in a project as a group that there are three girls and three boys. And I feel that everyone studied equally in this project and I think Asude and Kerim were the best members of our team. To conclude, Females and males deserve equal opportunities in professional life. Because both sex`s members could be very specific skills for their job. It is clear that skills are not dependent on their sex. So employers must select managers according to their talent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the number of males and females workers in management in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be equal and bosses should supply this. This essay completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this statement. I believe that women have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that is
necessary to manage a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
or a group and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
not depend on sex.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is earning a large income. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
wants to do this, it needs a well-organized team. Women are
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at creating a team thanks to communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their emotions while talking and making decisions.
For instance
, in one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that I worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, we had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a female manager and everything was on the line
however
after that our manager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with a male who could not express himself.
Consequently
, we lost our aura in the workspaces.

Secondly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
lots of women who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
talented in their professions. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to the constructions sectors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my job. And in the university, there were lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about designing without connection their sex.
For example
, we studied in a project as a group that there are three girls and three boys. And I feel that everyone studied
equally
in this project and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asude
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kerim
were the best members of our team.

To conclude
, Females and males deserve equal opportunities in professional life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
both
The character between 'sex' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "sex’s" (curly apostrophe) or "sex's" (straight apostrophe).
sex`s
members could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for their job. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not dependent on their sex.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
select managers according to their talent.
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IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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