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People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? 2mWb
Expanding of communication platforms and means of transportation provides the liberty of having a career and living in every part of the world. Although there are a few merits, to which we should not turn a blind eye, I, by and large, feel that the number of disadvantages is higher than that of the advantages. However, there are some drawbacks needing to be taken into account. The most axiomatic downside is concerned with getting away from family and feeling lonely. That is to say, on the grounds that people get used to getting help from their own family about some grave problems, it would be hard to stand on your own for addressing their issues. Consequently, depression and anxiety could be the result of living in other places lonely. Moreover, using various means of transportation have a significant stake in climate change. As a result, it is able to damage the environment and increase the risk of some illnesses such as cardiovascular diseases. On the plus side, there are some advantages for the people opting to pursue that way. To begin with, communication technology could set a stage for enjoying better job prospects. Simply put, it could provide more chances to communicate with employers and companies across the world in order that people have an occupation with a higher salary at authentic firms. Therefore, people are able to promote the standard of living by the number of their earnings. Furthermore, thanks to means of transportation the number of people adopting a resolution to work remotely is more than before. Being substantial, charges of transportation and the time spending impose a financial burden on people working, however, the amount of money is saved is strongly striking. On the other hand, If the world altered to have only teleworking, people could save more time and money. To conclude, irrespective of disadvantages, I believe that online communication tools could contribute to bright career future of people who live in other countries and importance of transportation means in saving both time and money is strongly striking too.
Expanding of communication platforms and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
provides the liberty of having a career and living in every part of the world. Although there are a few merits, to which we should not turn a blind eye, I, by and large, feel that the number of disadvantages is higher than that of the advantages.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks needing to
be taken
into account. The most axiomatic downside
is concerned
with getting away from family and feeling lonely.
That is
to say, on the grounds that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grave problems, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to stand on your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
for addressing their issues.
Consequently
, depression and anxiety could be the result of living in other places lonely.
Moreover
, using various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
have a significant stake in climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
As a result
, it is able to damage the environment and increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses such as cardiovascular diseases.

On the plus side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opting to pursue that way. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, communication technology could set a stage for enjoying better job prospects.
Simply
put, it could provide more chances to communicate with employers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
across the world in order that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an occupation with a higher salary at authentic firms.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to promote the standard of living by the number of their earnings.
Furthermore
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
adopting a resolution to work
remotely
is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Being substantial, charges of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
and the time spending impose a financial burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working,
however
, the amount of money
is saved
is
strongly
striking.
On the other hand
, If the world altered to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teleworking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could save more time and money.

To conclude
, irrespective of disadvantages, I believe that online communication tools could contribute to bright career future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in other countries and importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
in saving both time and money is
strongly
striking too.
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IELTS essay People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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