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People more care about money today compare to past than with developing relationships with loved ones. Do you agree or disagree?

People more care about money today compare to past than with developing relationships with loved ones. 6mJWK
People more care about money today compare to past than with developing relationships with loved ones. I strongly agree, while you are concentrate to earn much money, you don't have enough time to spend with your loved ones. These days social media is essential part of our life. Some people prefer to watch videos about luxury lifestyle. After that, they try to make more money and they would like to be wealthy. For instance, nowadays in social media you might see such kind of videos about major accomplishments in toils of rich people and how poor people became wealthy. Additionally, when people try to make much money, they face to competition and it helps to increase their skills. Although, while people concentrate only about money, they can lose their silent and themselves. However, in the most of keys it helps to be more creative person. As a result, social media is crucial element of our life and some videos about luxury life give motivation for some people to seek to the better life The most of people spend much time at work than with loved ones. As in plenty of jobs, you should work minimum 9 hours and 6 days a week. For example, if you work regularly 6 days a week, you will have only one day to hang out with your friends or with your relatives. Additionally, a lot of people when they are together with loved ones, usually use smartphones or such kind of gadgets. However the large number of people even don't meet and they prefer to talk on video chats. As it can negative effects on friendships and relationships. Although, it might be useful in quarantine. Consequently, job and gadgets can affect in bad relationships. In conclusion, I think imagination of luxury lifestyle affect on people to earn a lot of money and that's why relationships among people decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
more care about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
compare to past than with developing relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, while you are concentrate to earn much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, you don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
ones.

These days social media is essential part of our life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
about luxury lifestyle. After that, they try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they would like to be wealthy.
For instance
, nowadays in social media you might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
about major accomplishments in toils of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and how poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became wealthy.
Additionally
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they face to competition and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concentrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they can lose their silent and themselves.
However
, in the
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the keys") or simply say "most keys".
most of keys
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to be more creative person.
As a result
, social media is crucial element of our life and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
about luxury life give motivation for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to seek to the better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life


The most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend much time at work than with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. As in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of jobs, you should work minimum 9 hours and 6 days a week.
For example
, if you work
regularly
6 days a week, you will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one day to hang out with your friends or with your relatives.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they are together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
smartphones or such kind of gadgets.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even don't
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
meet and
they prefer to talk on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
chats. As it can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on friendships and relationships.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, it might be useful in quarantine.
Consequently
, job and gadgets can affect in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
relationships.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
imagination of luxury lifestyle
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and that's why relationships among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decrease
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IELTS essay People more care about money today compare to past than with developing relationships with loved ones.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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