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people learn things better from those at their own level like friends than from teachers. agree or not v.1

people learn things better from those at their own level like friends than from teachers. agree or not v. 1
In recent decades, the question of whether or not the government should pay for children’s education has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant. There are a number of drawbacks of this sponsorship. First, since a sustainable development of a nation requires to have many investments in many fields, paying all of the costs for children’s education can put more burden on national budgets. In fact, the governments need to fund properly for many key areas, such as healthcare, economy, education, which implies that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility of paying for their kids’ schooling fees. Second, by supporting kids’ education, either a part or all of the costs, the governments could create unfairness to childless people. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their tax income is not spent on their benefits. Nevertheless, other benefits of educational sponsorship for children’s tuition fees will be far more significant. First, in order to guarantee the qualified workforce down the road, investing in children’s education is considered as a win-win solution. This means that meagre income families can let their children, especially aspiring ones, go to school, which will in turn bring national workforce an array of benefits in the sense that young generations will become qualified and talented employees. Second, if parents released the burden from their kids’ fees of schooling, there is a good chance that they would have a good take care of their offspring. For example, parents can have more budgets to buy more foods or clothes for their children, improving their standard of living as a result. In conclusion, it is a wise decision when the government are inclined to finance kids’ education, even some or all of it, despite some disadvantages anticipated. By acknowledging the importance of children education, officers will lead their country to a higher level of development.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this assistance is not without the disadvantages, the upsides will be far more significant.

There are a number of drawbacks of this sponsorship.
First
, since a sustainable development of a nation requires to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields, paying
Consider using "all the".
all of the
costs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can put more burden on national budgets. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
need to fund
properly
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
key areas, such as healthcare, economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which implies that every citizen should shoulder the responsibility of paying for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
schooling fees. Second, by supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, either a part or all of the costs, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could create unfairness to childless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This means that they may feel angry or irritated if knowing that their tax income is not spent on their benefits.

Nevertheless
, other benefits of educational sponsorship for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
tuition fees will be far more significant.
First
, in order to guarantee the qualified workforce down the road, investing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is considered
as a win-win solution. This means that
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
income families can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
aspiring ones, go to school, which will in turn bring national workforce an array of benefits in the sense that young generations will become qualified and talented employees. Second, if parents released the burden from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
fees of schooling, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance that they would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
take care of their offspring.
For example
, parents can have more budgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more foods or clothes for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, improving their standard of living
as a result
.

In conclusion
, it is a wise decision when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are inclined
to finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
or all of it, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages anticipated. By acknowledging the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, officers will lead their country to a higher level of development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay people learn things better from those at their own level like friends than from teachers. agree or not v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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