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People in the past lived long and healthy. Give some reasons why they lived longer. What should the society do to use the ability of elderly people in a positive way?

People in the past lived long and healthy. Give some reasons why they lived longer. What should the society do to use the ability of elderly people in a positive way? 0Aq9O
Based on researches done by promenint investigators it is opined that 40%of people are unhealthy in this nation. According to survey, in classical times masses were more strong and very healthy. Therefore in this context, it evidently enumerates the various reasons of healthy lifestyle of ancient people as well as the importance of older masses in these days. So in this proclamation, I would like to contemplate on this view point before giving my verdict on the same. To initiate, there are abundant reasons why people lived joyfully or healthy in past days. Firstly, the population was limited in cities. For instance, the traffic rate was low because people used very limited range of transportation. In that case the pollution was under controled on that time and masses never faces any health issues. Second important aspect here, in the ancient times, there was not any kind of technology invented like smartphone, internet, WiFi and so on. People lived joyfully or tension free life. But in present time, pupils are becoming more dependent on technology. Thirdly in past, masses played outdoor activities like Football, Cricket, Vollyball etc. Finally, people ate healthy food rather than fast food like organic fresh vegetables, fruits, milk and so on. This healthy food provide vitamins, proteins, minerals to people and they become more strong. On the other hand, there are ample amount of benefits of older people. The life of every individual is busy in these days. People cannot spent much time with their children. When parents go for work then grandparents spends more time with their grandchildren. Grandparents can drop or pick the child from school. Moreover, while spending more time with grandparents teenagers can learn the history of culture, tradition or religion of country because older people have vast knowledge of that. After that it is the biggest truth that older people are the backbone of the society, they maintain the rules and regulations in community. Without these rules the crime as well as other wrong happenings can be seen in society. After carefully considering all view points, it seems to me that, good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings. According to Kapil Dev, "Apart from education, you need health, and for that you need to play sports". Moreover it is the moral duty of every youngster that respect your elders and then world will respect you.
Based on researches done by
Possible spelling mistake found.
promenint
investigators it
is opined
that 40%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unhealthy in this nation. According to survey, in classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
masses were more strong and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
in this context, it
evidently
enumerates the various reasons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle of ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
masses in these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in this proclamation, I would like to contemplate on this view point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving my verdict on the same.

To initiate, there are abundant reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
joyfully
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
in past days.
Firstly
, the population
was limited
in cities.
For instance
, the traffic rate was low
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited range of transportation.
In that case
the pollution was under
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "controlled", the past tense form of the verb 'control'?
controled
on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and masses never faces any health issues. Second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect here, in the ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, there was not any kind of technology invented like smartphone, internet,
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
WiFi
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
joyfully
or tension free life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, pupils are becoming more dependent on technology.
Thirdly
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
, masses played outdoor activities like Football, Cricket,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vollyball
etc.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food like organic fresh vegetables, fruits, milk and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food provide vitamins, proteins, minerals to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they become more strong.

On the other hand
, there are ample
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The life of every individual is busy in these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "spend"
spent
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children. When parents go for work then grandparents spends more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their grandchildren. Grandparents can drop or pick the child from school.
Moreover
, while spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
can learn the history of culture, tradition or religion of country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have vast knowledge of that. After that it is the biggest truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the backbone of the society, they maintain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations in community. Without these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
the crime
as well
as other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
happenings can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in society.

After
carefully
considering all view points, it seems to me that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
sense are two of life's greatest blessings. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapil
Dev,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Apart from education, you need health, and for that you need to play sports
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it is the moral duty of every youngster that respect your elders and then world will respect you.
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IELTS essay People in the past lived long and healthy. Give some reasons why they lived longer. What should the society do to use the ability of elderly people in a positive way?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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