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People in many countries are spending less time with their familiy. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

People in many countries are spending less time with their familiy. What are the reasons, and effects of this? qQAJa
A school of thought believes the time that individuals are at home or spend with their family is less than other purposesn in this essay, I will indicate several rationales as well as the adverse impacts of this issue. On the one hand, there is a variety of justifications that are able to reveal the problems mentioned. Firstly, people are now more and more occupied with their work. Undeniably, in bustle life, citizens frequently handle a wide range of heavy workload and under high pressure. Thereby, it is extremely tough for them to prioritise their family. Secondly, technology takes excessively time of human. Currently, living in a technological era, people tend to negatively isolate themselves from their family and society as well. For instance, instead of talking with their parents or communicate with their friends in the real life, the youth is likely to stick their eyes on the screen and deep themselves in virtual life. On the other hand, this issue might pose to numerous problems not only in the family, but also in the society. In terms of family, the less time they prioritise for their family, the more relationship gap is created. Hence, the conflicts and misunderstanding between every member of family are possible to enhence. Additionally, the divorce could occure in the worst circumstance. Last but not least, this issue leads to various deleteriously social problems. Should parents spend insufficent time for their children, their offsprings will easily be influenced by bad friends and toxic information on the internet. In this way, the proportion of violence and crime will effortlessly boost. In addition, children may deal with mental health which are difficult to treat. In conclusion, the priority for family is on decline in some nations, and hectic schedule and digital devices are considered the valid reasons. Personally, this problem impacts both the family and the society.
A school of
thought
believes the
time
that individuals are at home or spend with their
family
is less than other
purposesn
in this essay, I will indicate several rationales
as well
as the adverse impacts of this issue.

On the one hand, there is a variety of justifications that are able to reveal the
problems
mentioned.
Firstly
,
people
are
now
more and more occupied with their work.
Undeniably
, in bustle life, citizens
frequently
handle a wide range of heavy workload and under high pressure. Thereby, it is
extremely
tough for them to
prioritise
their
family
.
Secondly
, technology takes
excessively
time
of human.
Currently
, living in a technological era,
people
tend to
negatively
isolate themselves from their
family
and society
as well
.
For instance
,
instead
of talking with their parents or communicate with their friends in the real life, the youth is likely to stick their eyes on the screen and deep themselves in virtual life.

On the other hand
, this issue might pose to numerous
problems
not
only
in the
family
,
but
also
in the society. In terms of
family
, the less
time
they
prioritise
for their
family
, the more relationship gap
is created
.
Hence
, the conflicts and misunderstanding between every member of
family
are possible to
enhence
.
Additionally
, the divorce could
occure
in the worst circumstance. Last
but
not least, this issue leads to various
deleteriously
social
problems
. Should parents spend
insufficent
time
for their children, their
offsprings
will
easily
be influenced
by
bad
friends and toxic information on the internet. In this way, the proportion of violence and crime will
effortlessly
boost.
In addition
, children may deal with mental health which are difficult to treat.

In
conclusion, the priority for
family
is on decline in
some
nations, and hectic schedule and digital devices
are considered
the valid reasons.
Personally
, this
problem
impacts both the
family
and the society.

IELTS essay People in many countries are spending less time with their familiy. What are the reasons, and effects of this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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