Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People in developing countries believe children should be involved in some paid work. While other believe children should not work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People in developing countries believe children should be involved in some paid work. While other believe children should not work. gbEPd
Many students in the developing countries work part-time, in order to support themselves financially, or to achieve some work experience before entering into the job market. But some people argue that it will affect the academic progress of these students, hence they should only focus on their studies and go for a job after completing a degree. This essay agrees with the perspective that children should involve in some kind of work while studying, this will make them future ready and independent. Firstly, when a child gains the experience of working to generate a revenue, he/she becomes more hard working and career oriented. Working part time has benefits a child in a number of ways, it makes them feel independent, because the new generation do not want to depend on any other person. For instance, over 60 percent students in the United States are involve in any volunteering or part time work. This has a huge impact on the Childs overall attitude as well. When a student starts earning at an early age, he/she becomes the boss of their own life. The market experience equips them with the abilities to further polish their skills. Hence, they can choose a career that they are most interested in while experiencing different jobs. Secondly, many developed countries are powerful because their economic is running smoothly, and for a country to prosper, its crucial that no person in the state is jobless. The powerful and developed states encourage their children, especially students to get an early exposure of jobs and work. There are credit hours allotted to a student for work weekly. In this way, there is a balance in work and study, so these countries are prospering by incorporating the youth in building the economic and securing a successful future for them. In conclusion, I wholeheartedly agree with this view of involving students in work from an early stage, this can not only benefit the country, it can also be fruitful for the child as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
part-time, in order to support themselves
financially
, or to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering into the job market.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it will affect the academic progress of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
hence
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on their studies and go for a job after completing a degree. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the perspective that children should involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while studying, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them future ready and independent.

Firstly
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
gains the experience of working to generate a revenue, he/she becomes more
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and career oriented. Working
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
has benefits a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in a number of ways, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel independent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new generation do not want to depend on any other person.
For instance
, over 60 percent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the United States are
Consider using a past participle here: "involved".
involve
in any volunteering or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This has a huge impact on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childs
overall
attitude
as well
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
earning at an early age, he/she becomes the boss of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. The market experience equips them with the abilities to
further
polish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, they can choose a career that they are most interested in while experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are powerful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their economic is running
smoothly
, and for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to prosper, its crucial that no person in the state is jobless. The powerful and developed states encourage their children,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an early exposure of jobs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. There are credit hours allotted to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
weekly. In this way, there is a balance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are prospering by incorporating the youth in building the economic and securing a successful future for them.

In conclusion
, I
wholeheartedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view of involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from an early stage, this can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, it can
also
be fruitful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
as well
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay People in developing countries believe children should be involved in some paid work. While other believe children should not work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts