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People have forgotten the meanings of festival

People have forgotten the meanings of festival J0VMe
Some people argue that we have been forgotten real the meaning of traditional or religious festivals. While I agree that most of us look forward to get happiness or enjoyment during this time but I strongly disagree that we no longer remember the sources of festival. On the one hand religious and traditional festival have become times for celebration because we get a long holidays at this time. In Myanmar water festival is the most famous religious festival during that festival time we donate to other people and throwing water to each other and as well as decorating the shops. Most of us looking forward to water festival and Christmas as a good time to go trip, leisure times and to enjoy the festivals. Not only religious and traditional festival we always celebrate non religious or traditional such as New years day and Halloween, most people first goal is to have fun. On the other hand, I disagree with the idea that people no longer remember the real meaning of festivals. In my country we all have learnt the original meaning of festival when we are in state school. When the one festival is coming near children tell the stories of that festival and as well as sing the festival’s songs and dance that make children always remind the festival meaning when they grew up. Parents also play in a main role to give knowledge of festivals’ deeper meaning to our next generation. Although new year festival and Halloween festival are not non religious I am sure that these festivals have the stories behind at an early age and historical background. In conclusion, it is true that most people on enjoy themselves during festival due to they just want to free from tension but aware of the reasons for these celebration times.
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Some
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people
argue that we have
been forgotten
real the
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meaning
of
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traditional
or
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religious
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festivals
. While I
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agree
that most of us look forward to
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get
happiness or enjoyment during this
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time
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but
I
strongly
disagree that we no longer remember the sources of festival.

On the one hand
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religious
and
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traditional
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festival
have become
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times
for celebration
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because
we
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get
a long holidays at this
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time
. In Myanmar water
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festival
is the most
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famous
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religious
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festival
during that
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festival
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time
we donate to other
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people
and throwing water to each other and
as well
as decorating the shops. Most of us looking forward to water
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festival
and Christmas as a
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good
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time
to go trip, leisure
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times
and to enjoy the
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festivals
. Not
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only
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religious
and
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traditional
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festival
we always celebrate non
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religious
or
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traditional
such as
The official / recommended spelling of this holiday is: "New Year's Day"
New years day
and Halloween, most
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people
first
goal is to have fun.

On the other hand
, I disagree with the
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idea
that
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people
no longer remember the real
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meaning
of
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festivals
. In my country we all have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
the original
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meaning
of
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festival
when we are in state school. When the one
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festival
is coming near children
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tell
the stories of that
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festival
and
as well
as sing the
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festival’s
songs and dance that
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make
children always remind the
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festival
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meaning
when they grew up. Parents
also
play in a main role to give knowledge of
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festivals’
deeper
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meaning
to our
next
generation. Although new year
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festival
and Halloween
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festival
are not non
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religious
I am sure that these
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festivals
have the stories behind at an early age and historical background.

In conclusion
, it is true that most
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people
on enjoy themselves during
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festival
due to they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
want to free from tension
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
aware of the reasons for these celebration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
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IELTS essay People have forgotten the meanings of festival

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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