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Nowadays it is possible to move Ocean creatures from their Natural Habitat at sea and have them the located in amusement park for the purpose of peoples recreation do it you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays it is possible to move Ocean creatures from their Natural Habitat at sea and have them the located in amusement park for the purpose of peoples recreation do it you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? 9rw7w
The relative benefits and drawbacks of transferring marine animals from sea to amusement park is a matter of concern. Although there are some demerits associated with it, however, the merits seem to outnumber them. To begin with, on the negative side, as the creatures are captured in the cells for the entertainment of the public, but they are no longer be able to set themselves freely in the vast water bodies. For example, dolphins are trapped from oceans and kept in pools for pursuing public. On the contrary, they get scattered from their original habitat and local species. Not only this, but due to an autonomous state creatures can not develop their natural skills like poaching, which are essential for their survival. From positive aspect, parks are proved to be paramount in different ways. First of all, when animals are confined in parks apart from relishing the people, they can also acquire training for survival techniques. With the reference to previous example, dolphins are customised in parks, along with it, they attain proper training from experts unless they are in their natural habitat. Secondly, a new type of species are reproduced from existing one to combat with the problem of extinction. As a result, an old species are superseded by the new ones. For instance, a plethora of breeding programs held in every part of the world to sustain these animals. In conclusion, even though the water animals lose their freedom and unable to inherit their natural skills. However, they can learn new skills from experts and breeding can also take place to produce new species.
The relative benefits and drawbacks of transferring marine animals from sea to amusement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
is a matter of concern. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits associated with it,
however
, the merits seem to outnumber them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, as the creatures
are captured
in the cells for the entertainment of the public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are no longer be able to set themselves
freely
in the vast water bodies.
For example
, dolphins
are trapped
from oceans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in pools for pursuing public.
On the contrary
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scattered from their original habitat and local species. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to an autonomous state creatures can not develop their natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like poaching, which are essential for their survival.

From
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
are proved
to be paramount in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when animals
are confined
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
apart from relishing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, they can
also
acquire training for survival techniques. With the reference to previous example, dolphins are
Possible spelling mistake. 'customised' is British English.
customised
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, along with it, they attain proper training from experts unless they are in their natural habitat.
Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
type of species
are reproduced
from existing one to combat with the problem of extinction.
As a result
, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
species
are superseded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.
For instance
, a plethora of breeding programs held in every part of the world to sustain these animals.

In conclusion
,
even though
the water animals lose their freedom and unable to inherit their natural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
However
, they can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
from experts and breeding can
also
take place to produce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
species.
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IELTS essay Nowadays it is possible to move Ocean creatures from their Natural Habitat at sea and have them the located in amusement park for the purpose of peoples recreation do it you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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