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People have different views about the effect of keeping on with living with parents after completing education and finding jobs.

People have different views about the effect of keeping on with living with parents after completing education and finding jobs. ElLkM
People have different views about the effect of keeping on with living with parents after completing education and finding jobs. While I accept that this problem can sometimes has a positive effect, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact On the one hand, living with parents have several benefits. Firstly, after people have finished education and gotten jobs, they also need times to take care of themselves so living with their parents will be the best choice. Normally, people living far from their parents have not a lot of free time because they have to work to earn money in order to pay their living costs. Therefore, they do not have any free time to relax and take care of themselves. As the result, they may be stressed and nervous. In addition, living with parents helps adults have a good relationship with their parents. Today, generation gap is a common problem in many family so if people live with their father and mother, they will have more times to interact with family members and the gap will be removed. However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the following drawbacks. The first drawback is that living in the same house with parents will make people not to be self-reliant. For example, the adults who live with parents do not need to care about housing, food and others because their parents may pay for them. In contrast, people living far from their parents have to do everything by themselves such as washing clothes, doing housework, paying living costs so they are really independent and do not need to help of others. Secondly, the adults live with parents do not have private space. After a busy day, people do not want to listen scolding from parents when they go home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the effect of keeping on with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after completing education and finding jobs. While I accept that this problem can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
impact


On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have several benefits.
Firstly
, after
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people
have finished education and gotten jobs, they
also
need
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times
to take care of themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will be the best choice.
Normally
,
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free
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time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to earn money in order to pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs.
Therefore
, they do not have any free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and take care of themselves. As the result, they may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and nervous.
In addition
,
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living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
adults have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, generation gap is a common problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their father and mother, they will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to interact with family members and the gap will
be removed
.

However
, I would argue that these benefits
are outweighed
by the following drawbacks. The
first
drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to be self-reliant.
For example
, the adults who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not need to care about housing, food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may pay for them.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
far from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do everything by themselves such as washing clothes, doing housework, paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
really
independent and do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of others.
Secondly
, the adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have private space. After a busy day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to listen scolding from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they go home.
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IELTS essay People have different views about the effect of keeping on with living with parents after completing education and finding jobs.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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