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People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university? Use reasons and examples to support your answer. •new experiences•career preparation•increased know v.2

People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university? Use reasons and examples to support your answer. •new experiences•career preparation•increased know v. 2
These days a lot of people receive great knowledge from decent universities and colleges because of their own reasons. In my opinion, If I forced to choose those different plausible choices, I would definitely choose the third one because of my own preference. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay, To begin with, Having a great education is the foundation of both well-paid job and high status so I assume that it is the best way to prepare your future career efficiently. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my father’s experience. From his young age memory, He was born in a poor family so he always tried hard to absorb knowledge from his school as much as possible because he knew it was the basis of high-quality life in coming high-tech world. Then after he graduated from his university, He easily promoted as an accounting of the business company. Twenty years later thanks to both each day of making a progress and unfathomable desire to know everything he became CEO of his own company. This example demonstrates how education affects to individual’s success both diffusively and straight ways. Secondly, Provided for own career through using the importance of high education allows to people satisfied with their life more fully also can improve their hidden talents, hobbies to learn from their co-workers who also well-educated and intelligent people. Drawing from my own experience, I really appreciate the education lot because my family truly know this amazing treasure’s magic. One year ago, I graduated from my university and then I was offered by a foreign company to work with them abroad. The first time, I really shocked and I felt the meaning of true education from my bottom of the heart because they mentioned in their email about my academic excellence were attracted them a lot. Being in a foreign country and working with the smartest and most talented people from all over the world is true happiness from me and it gives me a chance to learn closely from my colleagues day by day. I strongly believe that earning invaluable education is essential to career preparation a lot. This is because it gives you the opportunity to be valued your own diligence by high prestigious companies for receiving well-paid wage and because it helps you to become more adept and a crucial person in your community.
These days a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive great knowledge from decent universities and colleges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons. In my opinion, If I forced to choose those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
plausible choices, I would definitely choose the third one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preference. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay,

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Having a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the foundation of both well-paid job and high status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I assume that it is the best way to prepare your future career
efficiently
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my father’s experience. From his young age memory, He
was born
in a poor family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he always tried
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to absorb knowledge from his school as much as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he knew it was the basis of high-quality life in coming high-tech world. Then after he graduated from his university, He
easily
promoted as an accounting of the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Twenty years later thanks to both each day of making a progress and unfathomable desire to know everything he became CEO of his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. This example demonstrates how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
affects to individual’s success both
Possible spelling mistake found.
diffusively
and straight ways.

Secondly
, Provided for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career through using the importance of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
satisfied with their life more
fully
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their hidden talents, hobbies to learn from their co-workers who
also
well-educated and intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Drawing from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, I
really
appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my family
truly
know this amazing treasure’s magic. One year ago, I graduated from my university and then I
was offered
by a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to work with them abroad. The
first
time, I
really
shocked and I felt the meaning of true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from my bottom of the heart
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they mentioned in their email about my academic excellence
were attracted
them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. Being in a foreign country and working with the smartest and most talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world is true happiness from me and it gives me a chance to learn
closely
from my colleagues day by day.

I
strongly
believe that earning invaluable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential to career preparation a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives you the opportunity to
be valued
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
diligence by high prestigious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
for receiving well-paid wage and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you to become more adept and a crucial person in your community.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People have a lot of opinions about the value of advanced education. Which do you think is the most important reason to attend college or university? Use reasons and examples to support your answer. •new experiences•career preparation•increased know v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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