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People believe the the role of education in modern life. Do you agree?

People believe the the role of education in modern life. Do you agree? E87q
There is no denying that education an important part in modern life. Also there are many sectors, which provide quality education such as, schools, colleges and universities. But some people claim that schools education no mandatory to get knowledge instead of this children can use internet for study. I oppose the view and my reason will be explained in the following paragraphs. It is true that nowadays internet become more popular and work in high speed. Today through using the internet we can get any information regarding any theme, education and etc. Also, contact with members of family or relatives, who located on other part of Earth. But children can not gain school knowledges from internet. There are subjects, which demand fully explanation. Such as, math, physic chemistry and biology. Schools, colleges and universities provide more information and experience in the modern and qualified laboratories, gym classes and other kind of interactive activities. Communication is a significant aspects of person life, pupilsand students have to go to school not only get school knowledges also for communicate with other children, which helps for development everybody. In addition, majority of parents work all day. They can not keep control during the day. Furthermore, parents of little children can not leave kids alone at home, small kids can not handle learning new materials. Children and teenagers sometimes might use internet not for getting education instead play games. In short, I do not agree with replacing traditional schools and etc for internet education. I considered reasons about my disagreement on the top.
There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in modern life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors, which provide quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
such as,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, colleges and universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
no mandatory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge
instead
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet for study. I oppose the view and my reason will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

It is true that nowadays internet become more popular and work in high speed.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
through using the internet we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any information regarding any theme,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Also
, contact with members of family or relatives, who located on other part of Earth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
from internet. There are subjects, which demand
fully
explanation. Such as, math, physic chemistry and biology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
, colleges and universities provide more information and experience in the modern and qualified laboratories, gym classes and other kind of interactive activities. Communication is a significant
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
of person life,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pupilsand
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledges
also
for communicate with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
for development everybody.
In addition
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
parents work all day. They can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
control during the day.
Furthermore
, parents of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
kids alone at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids can not handle learning new materials.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet not for getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
instead
play games.

In short, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with replacing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
for internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I considered reasons about my disagreement on the top.
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IELTS essay People believe the the role of education in modern life. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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