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people believe that technology has many benefits to offer to humankind

people believe that technology has many benefits to offer to humankind QVKAy
Technology has become an essential part of people’s lives in recent years. Some people believe that technology has many benefits to offer to humankind. Others, however, hold the view that automation adversely influences our life and takes over control of our lifestyle. In my opinion, I agree with the former idea for several reasons. First and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that technology makes our life easier in many aspects. In terms of medicine, Many hospitals have a number of modern equipment which help the doctor diagnose diseases exactly after that doctors are able to find treatment to cure the diseases. Similarly, education is an area that has improved a lot thanks to scientific innovations. Schools equipped with the state of the art technology so that students can easily broaden their knowledge and improve their skills. Another point I would like to make is that the rising of machinery helps the world more globalized. The advent of the internet brings people get closer; people can keep in touch with everybody in over the world through countless applications on the smartphones like Facebook, Twitter, and so on. Moreover, people also use modern technology to access distance learning programs or keep up with the latest news about political problems in the world On the other hand, technology can pose a threat to people's health. People tend to spend a great deal of time gluing their eyes to the screen rather than taking part in some sports clubs to improve their health. Consequently, People can suffer from many diseases like obesity, eye problems, heart attack, and so on. In conclusion, I once again restate my opinion that technology brings several benefits to our life and it plays a vital part in modern life. However, people should have further consideration of its drawbacks and use technology carefully.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has become an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to offer to humankind. Others,
however
, hold the view that automation
adversely
influences our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and takes over control of our lifestyle. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for several reasons.

First
and foremost, it is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. In terms of medicine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
hospitals have a number of modern equipment which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the doctor diagnose diseases exactly after that doctors are able to find treatment to cure the diseases.
Similarly
, education is an area that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of thanks"?
a lot thanks
to scientific innovations. Schools equipped with the
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students can
easily
broaden their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Another point I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is that the rising of machinery
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the world more globalized. The advent of the internet brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with everybody in over the world through countless applications on the smartphones like Facebook, Twitter, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to access distance learning programs or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the latest news about political problems in the world

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can pose a threat to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to spend a great deal of time gluing their eyes to the screen
rather
than taking part in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports clubs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like obesity, eye problems, heart attack, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, I once again restate my opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brings several benefits to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it plays a vital part in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
further
consideration of its drawbacks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
carefully
.
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IELTS essay people believe that technology has many benefits to offer to humankind

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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