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People believe that not all school children have the natural ability to learn a new language. This means it is not right to force all school children to study a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that most of the students who are studying in school cannot learn a new language. Therefore, it would be unfair to impact a foreign language to school-goers unwillingly. I agree with the proposed statement. My inclination is justified in the ensuing paragraphs. Out of all arguments, the strongest one to prove my view is more emphasis should be given to the core subjects in terms of learning. This is because to get a better job in a world where everything is based on technology, teachers in school should only focus on core subjects. Besides this, it is also true that if students are technically sound then they will not face any difficulty while seeking a job. For example, one student is a specialist in technical knowledge and another one has only good language skills then it is quite obvious that the employer will prefer the former one. The reason to prove my point is forcing children to learn a different language may have a detrimental effect on their health. Because some may not be able to cope up with learning a foreign language. This will result in stress related issue also students may suffer from depression. This is because, student may feel inferior to peers who are better at second language and this will ultimately lead to depression among young students. In addition, the fact that to be able to speak and write only one language fluently and correctly will have more benefits compared to knowing two different languages poorly. On the contrary, some people counter claims the mentioned support. The foremost argument they do is the person who is bilingual has an opportunity work abroad and can get vast experience in their life compared to those who are not multilingual. Thus, to wrap up the discussion, it can be said that despite of opportunity to work abroad, my reasons that to become skillful in only one language as well as focusing on core subjects instead of learning several languages are logically accepted.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are studying in school cannot learn a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Therefore
, it would be unfair to impact a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to school-goers
unwillingly
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the proposed statement. My inclination
is justified
in the ensuing paragraphs.

Out of all arguments, the strongest one to prove my view is more emphasis should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the core subjects in terms of learning. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job in a world where everything
is based
on technology, teachers in school should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
focus on core subjects.
Besides
this, it is
also
true that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
technically
sound then they will not face any difficulty while seeking a job.
For example
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
is a specialist in technical knowledge and another one has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
then it is quite obvious that the employer will prefer the former one.

The reason to prove my point is forcing children to learn a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
may have a detrimental effect on their health.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may not be able to cope up with learning a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. This will result in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related issue
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may suffer from depression. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may feel inferior to peers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are better at second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and this will
ultimately
lead to depression among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In addition
, the fact that to be able to speak and write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
fluently
and
correctly
will have more benefits compared to knowing two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
poorly
.

On the contrary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
counter claims the mentioned support. The foremost argument they do is the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is bilingual has an opportunity work abroad and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
vast experience in their life compared to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not multilingual.

Thus
, to wrap up the discussion, it can
be said
that
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
opportunity to work abroad, my reasons that to become skillful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
as well
as focusing on core subjects
instead
of learning several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
logically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
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IELTS essay People believe that not all school children have the natural ability to learn a new language. This means it is not right to force all school children to study a foreign language.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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