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people believe that all diseases are preventable

people believe that all diseases are preventable DEgp
Although people believe that all the diseases are preventable, where as I strongly disagree that all the diseases can be preventable because new diseases needs case study and researches which takes years and patience, where as some diseases are difficult to study to get its treatment. The diseases which are new and pandemic needs to know main source of cause and needs research to study about it. So it is not preventable till the researchers get the root cause of spreading disease. Even though people believe that over the counter medicines can be used for temporary treatment, despite of taking medicine some diseases would not go from the root till they know the main cause of spreading example, Corona virus. While some diseases such as HIV- AIDS do not have proper treatment because of its continues changes happening in its cells, therefore it is still impossible for the scientists to research for its medicine to treat the patient. As a result it give more HIV cases per annum due to spread from one person to other through needle prick or by direct contact. However, the country economy also plays an important role for preventing the diseases like Africa is the most common country for malaria fever due to the fact that its not a developed country and economically weak. While the countries which are developed they have less diseases and takes more efforts to eradicate it from their country. Therefore, preventing diseases also depends upon economy of countries. As a result, I strongly believe that all diseases are not treatable and preventable, while all treatment and prevention depends upon the disease type, generation, country’s economy and its affords.
Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are preventable,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
I
strongly
disagree that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be preventable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
needs case study and researches which takes years and patience,
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are difficult to study to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
its treatment.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which are new and pandemic needs to know main source of cause and needs research to study about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is not preventable till the researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the root cause of spreading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that over the counter medicines can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for temporary treatment,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
taking medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
would not go from the root till they know the main cause of spreading example,
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as HIV- AIDS do not have proper treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its continues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
happening in its cells,
therefore
it is
still
impossible for the scientists to research for its medicine to treat the patient.
As a result
it
Did you mean "gives"?
give
more HIV cases per annum due to spread from one person to other through needle prick or by direct contact.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economy
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like Africa is the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for malaria fever due to the fact that its not a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
economically
weak. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
are developed
they have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun diseases is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and takes more efforts to eradicate it from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Therefore
, preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
also
depends upon economy of countries.

As a result
, I
strongly
believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are not treatable and preventable, while all treatment and prevention depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
type, generation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy and its affords.

IELTS essay people believe that all diseases are preventable

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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