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Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development? 7V1b
We spend a large part of our daily life talking with other people and technological developments have influenced our socialization behaviours. Nowadays, the majority of people tend to communicate with each other remotely rather than person to person. I believe that it will make us more isolated and alone in the near future so it seems mostly disadvantageous but there are some advantages. In the past, people chose to keep in touch with each other face to face. Many believed that gathering in a cafe or a park was better than talking on the phone because it gave them happiness due to sociability. For instance, phones weren’t smart a few years ago, now it has changed significantly. Technological advancements have affected our life directly. Even though some people complain about negative effects, it is so precious to communicate with relatives who live abroad or in distant cities. However it comes with a price and that is a good wifi connection and relevant devices such as computers, tablets or smartphones, which are essentials. Considering the current economic and social disturbance, affording the cost of the internet and required devices has become much more challenging for low income people. In today’s world, online applications are not only used for social life, more and more people tend to use them to ease their lives. Furthermore, social media offers a lot of experiences and it is an enjoyable way to know others' lives. For example, you can grab a coffee, cuddle on the coach in your pyjamas then you can stalk everybody and message with your acquaintances. Fundamentally, distance intercommunication contributes flexibility for people. There is no need to be stuck in a place so you can talk or listen to anybody whenever you want. It is a good way to save your money as well as you save your valuable time. That said, if the issue is important, I prefer talking in person that is better. On top of that, socialization is essential for children who need to play with their peers. However, social media and online video applications have impacted teenagers in their early lives. In conclusion, online conversation has many benefits but also it includes many drawbacks. Youngsters need to be more social and it is possible that they will gather in a place again. Indeed, because of the pandemic, all of us have to prefer online ways to communicate with others.
We spend a large part of our daily life talking with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and technological developments have influenced our socialization
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. Nowadays, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
remotely
rather
than person to person. I believe that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more isolated and alone in the near future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it seems
mostly
disadvantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages.

In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
face to face.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believed that gathering in a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
or a park was better than talking on the phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gave them happiness due to sociability.
For instance
, phones weren’t smart a few years ago,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
. Technological advancements have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our life
directly
.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complain about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
precious to communicate with relatives who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad or in distant cities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price and
that is
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
connection and relevant devices such as computers, tablets or smartphones, which are essentials. Considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
disturbance, affording the cost of the internet and required devices has become much more challenging for low income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experiences and it is an enjoyable way to know others'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, you can grab a coffee, cuddle on the coach in your
Possible spelling mistake. 'pyjamas' is British English.
pyjamas
then you can stalk everybody and message with your acquaintances.
Fundamentally
, distance intercommunication contributes flexibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There is no need to
be stuck
in a place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can talk or listen to anybody whenever you want. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to save your money
as well
as you save your valuable time. That said, if the issue is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, I prefer talking in person
that is
better.
On top of that
, socialization is essential for children who need to play with their peers.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
video applications have impacted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in their early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
conversation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. Youngsters need to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and it is possible that they will gather in a place again.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pandemic, all of us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
ways to communicate with others.

IELTS essay Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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