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People argue that children should have the freedom

People argue that children should have the freedom aw7NP
Some people argue that children should have the freedom to choose their own things which they will eat, wear, read, play, watch and so on. others say, parents should not priority on Children's desire because if they always follow children’s choices one day they will become selfish. In my opinion, parents should focus on children's choices so that they can think of themselves as independent. But parents need to keep balance. It is important for children to make their own choices. in this way they will be Self-reliant and independent. if the children can decide their choices it is prove that they have an extra skill on taking decision fast. Moreover, a child who knows what he wants he is more likely to be successful. On the other hand, always letting children to make their choices on their own it is increased chances of becoming selfish. for example, my cousin, she is 6 years old, she always likes to watch cartoons. she does not think whether others family members like or not. If she growi
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Some
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people
argue that
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children
should have the freedom to choose their
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own
things which they will eat, wear, read, play,
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watch
and
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so
on. others say, parents should not priority on Children's desire
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because
if they always follow
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children’s
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choices
one day they will become selfish. In my opinion, parents should focus on children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
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so
that they can
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think
of themselves as independent.
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But
parents need to
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keep
balance.

It is
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important
for
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children
to
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make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
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choices
.
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in
this way they will be Self-reliant and independent.
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if
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can decide their
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choices
it is
Consider using a past participle here: "proved", "proven".
prove
that they have an extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
on taking decision
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fast
.
Moreover
, a child who knows what he wants he is more likely to be successful.

On the other hand
, always letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
it
is increased
chances of becoming selfish.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, my cousin, she is 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, she always likes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons.
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she
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
whether others family members like or not. If she
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
growi
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IELTS essay People argue that children should have the freedom

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
174 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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