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People are surrounded by advertising which has increasing effect on our lives Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects v.2

People are surrounded by advertising which has increasing effect on our lives Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects v. 2
Nowadays, people’s lifestyle has changed a great deal because of next level advertisements. Due to adverts, they buy modern and advanced commodities which make their lives easier than before. However, sometimes they spend money extravagantly under the influence of adverts. I think benefits of advertisements outweigh than its drawbacks. While looking at positive side of advertisement, it makes people’s life comfortable. As they get to know about latest and better version of several products, so they purchase them to facilitate themselves and their families. While growing advertisement campaigns in every field of life provide people with useful information, for instance objects, medical procedures and instruments, people keep improving their lifestyles by buying these advanced products. They bring better version of things at homes and work places which also ease and satisfy them. Moreover, it improves economy too when people demand products and manufacturers supply them. Therefore, advertisement have certain loud benefits for people. As far as drawbacks are concerned, sometimes people are triggered by persuasive advertisements that they purchase products without its need. In other words, it increases temptation of people and they spend money to satisfy their desire. This can cause a chaotic situation, for instance, a sort of competition among people to get whatever they see in advertisements without realizing its true need. In my opinion, although advertisements intrigue people to buy more and more, they convey information about every latest product in the market. Now it depends on people not to buy things unless they require them genuinely. Apart from increased consumerism, which can be controlled by people themselves, advertisements have major and obvious benefits in life, such as comfort, facilitation and improvements. Therefore, its advantages in every day life are more significant than its disadvantages.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a great deal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
next
level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. Due to adverts, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
modern and advanced commodities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they spend money
extravagantly
under the influence of adverts. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
outweigh than its drawbacks.

While looking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
comfortable. As they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about latest and better version of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
them to facilitate themselves and their families. While growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
campaigns in every field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with useful information,
for instance
objects, medical procedures and instruments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
improving their lifestyles by buying these advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. They bring better version of things at homes and work places which
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and satisfy them.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
economy too when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and manufacturers supply them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
have certain loud benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As far as drawbacks
are concerned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are triggered
by persuasive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
without its need.
In other words
, it increases temptation of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they spend money to satisfy their desire. This can cause a chaotic situation,
for instance
, a sort of competition among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
without realizing its true need.

In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
intrigue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more, they convey information about every latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
in the market.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things unless they require them
genuinely
. Apart from increased consumerism, which can
be controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have major and obvious benefits in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as comfort, facilitation and improvements.
Therefore
, its advantages
Did you mean "in everyday"?
in every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are more significant than its disadvantages.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People are surrounded by advertising which has increasing effect on our lives Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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