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People are shifting their residence to foreign countries .what are the advantages and disadvantages of thin trend?

People are shifting their residence to foreign countries. what are the advantages and disadvantages of thin trend? qV11D
It is observed nowadays that many people shift their living place to foreign nations. Although living in western countries have many advantages, yet l believe that this trend has some negative outcomes. On the one hand, there are several advantages of living in abroad. Firstly, when people live in foreign countries, they can get better education from schools and universities due to international study method and best teachers. Secondly, in foreign nations people can enjoy more facilities which lead them to live comfortable life. For example, if people live in foreign country then they have full day hospitalfacilities. lastly, because of less crime, people migrate to abroad as there is much security for society. On the other hand, there are some negative outcomes of living in foreign state. first of all, when people start living in other places then many times they do not have much knowledge about that area due to this they may face many difficulties. Furthermore, if a person shift their home to foreign country then sometimes one cannot communicate easily with other neighbours by which one has to live alone. lastly, many people do not know about rules and regulations of other countries then sometimes they can disobey the rules by which they can be punished by government. In conclusion, eventhough, living in abroad has many advantages but it also has demerits.
It
is observed
nowadays that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shift their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
nations. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages,
yet
l believe that this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes.

On the one hand, there are several advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in abroad.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better education from schools and universities due to international study method and best teachers.
Secondly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enjoy more facilities which lead them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
comfortable life.
For example
, if
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
then they have full day
Possible spelling mistake found.
hospitalfacilities
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less crime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate to abroad as there is much security for society.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
state.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, when
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
places then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times they do not have much knowledge about that area due to this they may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties.
Furthermore
, if a person shift their home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
one cannot communicate
easily
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
by which one
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has to
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live
alone.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
,
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they can disobey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
by which they can
be punished
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in abroad has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has demerits.
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IELTS essay People are shifting their residence to foreign countries. what are the advantages and disadvantages of thin trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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