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Some individuals view music as a great means of uniting people of diverse cultural backgrounds and ages together. This essay completely agrees with this opinion because it not only improve human relationships but also play therapeutic roles

Some individuals view music as a great means of uniting people of diverse cultural backgrounds and ages together. This essay completely agrees with this opinion because it not only improve human relationships but also play therapeutic roles 85GGk
A good reason why I agree that melodies can bring people of different backgrounds together is that it makes people to relate with each other better. As an example, people who share a common interest are more likely to listen to similar genre of music when they meet with one another. Also, it helps to cement relationships and foster better bonds when they are played at occasions. For instance, a popular musical carnival in my village brings together people of different age grades and culture to wine and dine together every year. The event is so enjoyable that many people look forward to attending with their friends who are live overseas. Another reason why I agree is that, it has a therapeutic effect on the listeners. According to a quote by a popular American artist, he said "music is the greatest medicine of the mind and soul" and I concur because when people listen to tunes, they tend to forget their worries, many dance away their sorrows on listening to their favourite music. For instance, many Nigerians I know, admits that whenever the popular popstar, Akon, sings on stage they perceive a healing effect on them which eases their worry. Hence, they like to attend such performances with their friends and family members. In conclusion, music, which has both the capacity to improve human relationships as well as therapeutic roles, is a powerful tool to bring individual of various origin and ages together.
A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that melodies can bring
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people
of
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different
backgrounds together is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relate with each other better. As an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share a common interest are more likely to listen to similar genre of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with one another.
Also
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to cement relationships and foster better bonds when they
are played
at occasions.
For instance
, a popular musical carnival in my village brings together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age grades and culture to wine and dine together every year. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
enjoyable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look forward to attending with their friends who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
overseas.

Another reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
is that, it has a therapeutic effect on the listeners. According to a quote by a popular American artist, he said
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
music is the greatest medicine of the mind and soul
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and I concur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
listen to tunes, they tend to forget their worries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dance away their sorrows on listening to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Nigerians I know, admits that whenever the popular
Possible spelling mistake found.
popstar
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Akon
, sings on stage they perceive a healing effect on them which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eases
their worry.
Hence
, they like to attend such performances with their friends and family members.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which has both the capacity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
human relationships
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
therapeutic roles, is a powerful tool to bring individual of various origin and ages together.
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IELTS essay Some individuals view music as a great means of uniting people of diverse cultural backgrounds and ages together. This essay completely agrees with this opinion because it not only improve human relationships but also play therapeutic roles

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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