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People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 2

People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 2 3aAyw
New discoveries in medical and nutritional field helped to stay healthier and live more. This can be considered a good thing but in a long time, it can still be a positive thing? Firstly, if people live longer the amount of money for their superannuation will be divided in more months so, for each month the money will be less, or, if the amount of money remain the same, others must work more to get money to pay them. Another problem is the job. If people live longer, they’ll work longer. This’ll influence the young population who want to find jobs that aren’t available and the unemployment will grow, as living get longer. The third problem to consider is the birth rate. Living longer makes people concentrate more on working stuff and this causes the lowering of the conceptions. The only positive thing could be the free time. Live longer means have more free time for himself. In conclusion I think that if life continuous to get longer that will be a problem, a problem that maybe can be controlled with new rules and discoveries, but for now, it’s difficult to think so.
New discoveries in medical and nutritional field
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
to stay healthier and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
more. This can
be considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a long time, it can
still
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing?

Firstly
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their superannuation will
be divided
in more months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, for each month the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will be less, or, if the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
remain the same, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay them.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the job. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
, they’ll work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. This’ll influence the young population who want to find jobs that aren’t available and the unemployment will grow, as living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
longer.

The third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
to consider is the birth rate. Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concentrate more on working stuff and this causes the lowering of the conceptions.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing could be the free time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
means have more free time for himself.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if life continuous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
that will be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that maybe can
be controlled
with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and discoveries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it’s difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

IELTS essay People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think the aging population has many advantages for business, government and for society in general. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
193 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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