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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? qV5oX
People are utilizing the internet and mobile phones very extensively, and I believe that this is a negative development. The major negative impact is people are so busy to contact with their friends on mobile phone, and they forget that they have a family too. In other words, people are busy posting statuses for their lovely family, but they talk to them much less. For instance, if there is a Mother’s Day, people post a lot of posts on social media sites for the love with their mothers, but they never possess their ultimate love with them. That’s why I think this is a negative development. Another negative impact is on children’s studies. This means that children do not try to learn things that they should learn; they just go to the internet and copy-paste their assignments. Moreover, children do not know about grammar because there are tools available, and with the help of those tools, they correct their mistakes. That’s why their learning abilities are declining now. For instance, Grammarly is available now to offer true sentences grammar-wise, so they do not know about the rules of grammar. Thus, I believe that this is not a good impact. In conclusion, the internet and mobile phones make our lives easier, I believe that this affects negatively because people are going far away from those who are sitting besides, but they are going close to distant people. In addition, the actual learning of children is also declining.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are utilizing the internet and mobile phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
extensively
, and I believe that this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

The major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy to contact with their friends on mobile phone, and they forget that they have a family too.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy posting statuses for their lovely family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they talk to them much less.
For instance
, if there is a Mother’s Day,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
post
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
posts on social media sites for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with their mothers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they never possess their ultimate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
with them. That’s why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
development.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
studies. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not try to learn things that they should learn; they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go to the internet and copy-paste their assignments.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know about grammar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are tools available, and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of those tools, they correct their mistakes. That’s why their learning abilities are declining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
,
Grammarly
is available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to offer true sentences grammar-wise,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not know about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of grammar.
Thus
, I believe that this is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact.

In conclusion
, the internet and mobile phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier, I believe that this affects
negatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are going far away from those who are sitting
besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are going close to distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, the actual learning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
also
declining.
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IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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