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Watching television by childrens, advantages and disadvantages

Watching television by childrens, advantages and disadvantages RNyPo
It is true that these days, watching television is a quiet common habit of people. Especially children like watching television spend over time in front of it. However, these indoor activity has both pros and cons that I will discuss in the following paragraphs. Let's start by looking at the advantages of watching television. One of the biggest advantages is that it makes them cleverer and helps to create fast paced brainstorm. What I mean this is that, there are lot of educational programs. For example, some important channel provides quiz competition programme everyday in the this tool which gives number of informations in relation to their school subjects. By watching these type of programmes and other documentaries they can broaden their horizons. Secondly, This trend can make them more rounded as a persons. This means, they have the chance to get more knowledge and information about the whole world current status. Thus, watching television helps them to improve their creativity as well as their educational knowledge. Turning to the other side of the argument, there are some drawbacks behind this indoor activity. One of the major drawbacks is that cause vision problem in order to that, they will suffer from headache for a longtime. For example, children who watch television without keeping a proper distance will cause severe headache and it can be effects to their eyes more strain. Another important negatives of watching television is that, they develop social isolation. Spending too much time for television reduce their interpersonal relationship with other people or children in their society, they become introvert. To put it in a nut shell, nowadays television is one of the important tool for transforming variety of information to the people when compared to the past. All this considered, watching television gives more ideas and educational information to the people. I personally believe the benefits in terms of educational purposes and their intellecual growth eventually outweigh any drawbacks.
It is true that these days, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a quiet common habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Especially
children like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
spend over time in front of it.
However
, these indoor activity has both pros and cons that I will discuss in the following paragraphs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by looking at the advantages of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. One of the biggest advantages is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them cleverer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced brainstorm. What I mean this is that, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
programs.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
channel provides quiz competition
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
in
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only "the" or "this" is left.
the this
tool which gives number of
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
in relation to their school subjects. By watching these type of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and other documentaries they can broaden their horizons.
Secondly
, This trend can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more rounded as
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a person" or simply "persons"?
a persons
. This means, they have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the whole world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
status.
Thus
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their creativity
as well
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
knowledge.

Turning to the other side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks behind this indoor activity. One of the major drawbacks is that cause vision problem in order to that, they will suffer from headache for
Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
a longtime
.
For example
, children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
without keeping a proper distance will cause severe headache and it can be effects to their eyes more strain. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
negatives of watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that, they develop social isolation. Spending too much time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their interpersonal relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or children in their society, they become introvert.

To put it in a nut shell, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool for transforming variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when compared to the past. All this considered, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
gives more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I
personally
believe the benefits in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
purposes and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
intellecual
growth
eventually
outweigh any drawbacks.
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IELTS essay Watching television by childrens, advantages and disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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