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Paying ticket of museum free or not

Paying ticket of museum free or not j8OBN
Paying for museum ticket is a controversial issue. While many museums charge a fee  for entrance, others are free of charge.   In my opinion, it can be more beneficial for both people and museums if people pay for visiting them. Charging for admission has many advantages. Firstly, the money earned by tickets can be used for services and expenditure of museums, and more possibilities can be provided for people. For example, this money can be used for the renovation of the museums and offer better facilities such as air conditioner, more seats and even a Café. If some parents come with babies,   babysitters can be offered to them. Guider can also be  provided for people guider  in order to explain about the museum. Secondly,    if the museum charge a fee, there will be less crowded, and it will be more enjoyable for people. When it is full of people, it will become more noisy  and difficult to explore the museum. Some people might argue that museums should be free for  all people and there are  Some poor families who cannot afford  to buy a ticket. They might encourage people to visit the museum, and it can increase people's awareness about art and history. However, I think that if galleries become free, people might visit there for entertainment. In other words, they are not  passionate about the museum and just   visit it for spending their leisure time. But it would be a perfect idea that a deprived family  purchase cheaper ticket and so if they are really interested in the museum, they will pay for that. In conclusion, I believe it can have more benefit for people if they pay for tickets of museum since  they receive more services and enjoy a greater atmosphere.
Paying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
is a controversial issue. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charge a fee
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
for entrance, others are free of charge.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In my opinion, it can be more beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay for visiting them.

Charging for admission has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
Firstly
, the money earned by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for services and expenditure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, and more possibilities can
be provided
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, this money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for the renovation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and offer better facilities such as air conditioner, more seats and even a Café. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with babies,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
babysitters can
be offered
to them. Guider can
also
be
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
provided for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
guider
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
.
Secondly
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
charge a fee, there will be less crowded, and it will be more enjoyable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When it is full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it will become more noisy
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
and difficult to explore the museum.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be free for
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and there are
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
poor families who cannot afford
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
. They might encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, and it can increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's awareness about art and history.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if galleries become free,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might visit there for entertainment.
In other words
, they are not
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
passionate about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
   
visit it for spending their leisure time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it would be a perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that a deprived family
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
cheaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they are
really
interested in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, they will pay for that.

In conclusion
, I believe it can have more benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
if they pay for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tickets
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
since
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
they receive more services and enjoy a greater atmosphere.
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IELTS essay Paying ticket of museum free or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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