Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Part-time job is beneficial for young people. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.

Part-time job is beneficial for young people. KwYJ3
Most of Youngers have lots of energy and intelligence to do multiple tasks at the same time. It is better for them to work few hours after classes to achieve their goals and having a good career in the future. Some people do not prefer having any kind of job for students because they think this will distract them from their study and getting high scores. However, I agree that holding down a part time job for young people is beneficial. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, when students earning their own money, this will give them a measure of independence. Most of parents pay for college tuition and living expenses, but still their kids need extra cash for clothes, trips, and other entertainment. Instead of begging or borrowing more money from their parents, they can fund their fun from part-time job. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I remember when I was in my last semester; I worked in a pharmacy the night shift. I was able to pay my cell phone pills every month. Also, I could buy most of my dresses and makeup for many of family and college events without taking any money from my father. Therefore, working part-time in the pharmacy gave me stable income and I became more independent. Secondly, working part-time from a young age enhances building a network with other people. Even if students not gaining work experience in a field that they want to pursue, they are still making connections in the professional world. For example, my old brother was working during the summer time in a coffee shop, and one of the shop’s regular customer was the project manager of one of the biggest construction company in California. Later, he helps out my brother to get his first permanent job as a civil engineer in the same company. And now my brother is one of the most successful executives in the field. He always gives advices to young adults in our family to have a job and build good relationships which will benefit them in the future. In conclusion, working part-time for students while they are attending their classes in a college is really important because this will teach them to be more independent and to build professional network.
Consider using "Most Youngers" or "Most of the Youngers".
Most of Youngers
have lots of energy and intelligence to do multiple tasks at the same time. It is better for them to work few hours after classes to achieve their goals and having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not prefer having any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this will distract them from their study and getting high scores.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that holding down a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
beneficial. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
earning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money, this will give them a measure of independence.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the parents") or simply say "Most parents".
Most of parents
pay for college tuition and living expenses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
their kids need extra cash for clothes, trips, and other entertainment.
Instead
of begging or borrowing more money from their parents, they can fund their fun from part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. I remember when I was in my last semester; I worked in a pharmacy the night shift. I was able to pay my cell phone pills every month.
Also
, I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
most of my dresses and makeup for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of family and college
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
without taking any money from my father.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time in the pharmacy gave me stable income and I became more independent.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time from a young age enhances building a network with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not gaining work experience in a field that they want to pursue, they are
still
making connections in the professional world.
For example
, my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
brother was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
during the
Consider using "summer".
summer time
in a coffee shop, and one of the shop’s regular customer was the project manager of one of the biggest construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in California. Later, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
out my brother to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
his
first
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as a civil engineer in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
my brother is one of the most successful executives in the field. He always gives advices to young adults in our family to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships which will benefit them in the future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
while they are attending their classes in a college is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will teach them to be more independent and to build professional network.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Part-time job is beneficial for young people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • Part-time job is beneficial for young people. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.