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parents think computer games do not have any eduactional value and is much harmful to children.

parents think computer games do not have any eduactional value and is much harmful to children. NWw72
There is no doubt that video games are becoming popular nowadays. Guardians think that these electronic games do not have any connection to proper education and thus cause harm to children. I completely agree with the notion, as games make youngsters inactive and occasionally addictive. Firstly, some people believe that over-indulgence in online games makes children physically idle. As a result, they become obese and can be susceptible to many harmful diseases such as diabetes, hypertension. For example, research conducted at the University of Toronto found that those children who played computer games excessively had lower immunity and were much vulnerable to diseases. Therefore, children who prefer playing video games more than playing outside will be affected by infectious diseases more than those who enjoy playing outside. Secondly, kids may become addicted to these games. As a consequence, they waste their valuable time playing these online games rather than studying maths, physics, and learning languages. For example, Blue Whales, an online game which became so much popular to children that ended up killing their precious time playing this. Playing these games also causes the psychological disorder. Thus, they lose their power of attention deficit disorder. Consequently, youngsters playing computer games kill their pivotal times and also end up having a psychological disorder. In conclusion, as children playing video games become vulnerable to diseases and also waste their productive hours, I strongly believe that these games have deteriorated effect on their lives.
There is no doubt that video
games
are becoming popular nowadays. Guardians
think
that these electronic
games
do not have any connection to proper education and
thus
cause harm to
children
. I completely
agree
with the notion, as
games
make
youngsters inactive and
occasionally
addictive.

Firstly
,
some
people
believe that over-indulgence in online
games
makes
children
physically
idle.
As a result
, they become obese and can be susceptible to
many
harmful
diseases
such as diabetes, hypertension.
For example
, research conducted at the University of Toronto found that those
children
who played computer
games
excessively
had lower immunity and were much vulnerable to
diseases
.
Therefore
,
children
who prefer
playing
video
games
more than
playing
outside will be
affected
by infectious
diseases
more than those who enjoy
playing
outside.

Secondly
, kids may become addicted to these
games
. As a consequence, they waste their valuable time
playing
these online
games
rather
than studying
maths
, physics, and learning languages.
For example
, Blue Whales, an online game which became
so
much popular to
children
that ended up killing their precious time
playing
this.
Playing
these
games
also
causes the psychological disorder.
Thus
, they lose their power of attention deficit disorder.
Consequently
, youngsters
playing
computer
games
kill their pivotal times and
also
end
up having a psychological disorder.

In conclusion
, as
children
playing
video
games
become vulnerable to
diseases
and
also
waste their productive hours, I
strongly
believe that these
games
have deteriorated effect on their
lives
.
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IELTS essay parents think computer games do not have any eduactional value and is much harmful to children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
241 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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