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Parents should organise group activity for the children's. how far do you support this idea.

Parents should organise group activity for the children's. how far do you support this idea. VyX5D
It is often said that it's better for children to participate in various organised group activities in their free time. It is believed by few that it is responsibility of parents to organise group activities for their offsprings while other thinks that children should be free to choose their activities on their own in their free time. In this essay, I will shed some light on both views and give my opinion. Taking first aspect into the account, if parents organise numerous group activities for their offspring then they will feel more safe. Secondly, because of parents are going with the children they can get to know approach, mental state and psychology of other parents. for example, if parents meet with other people and they will talk with each other and they will get to know each other better. In contrast, if children's are participating in various group activities by their own then they can become more confident and they will make their own decision in future. in addition, participate in any such activities will make them understand the value of working with the group and how to coordinate with each other while working in the group. Moreover, if childrens are taking such decision on their own then this will give them freedom of thought and they can learn to take up challenges and responsibilities. lastly, childrens learn the right attitude while being in the group. In conclusion, although there is section of society who says parents are responsible to arrange group activities for their toddler, I still believe that children should choose to make such decisions on their own.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that it's better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in various
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free time. It
is believed
by few that it is responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be free to choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in their free time. In this essay, I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both views and give my opinion.

Taking
first
aspect into the account, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their offspring then they will feel more safe.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are going with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know approach, mental state and psychology of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they will talk with each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
other and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
better.

In contrast
, if children's are participating in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
then they can become more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confident and
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition, participate in any such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the value of working with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and how to coordinate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
while working in the group.

Moreover
, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
are taking such decision on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
then this will give them freedom of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
thought and
they can learn to take up challenges and responsibilities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lastly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
learn the right attitude while being in the group.

In conclusion
, although there is section of society who says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible to arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their toddler, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such decisions on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
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IELTS essay Parents should organise group activity for the children's. how far do you support this idea.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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