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Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities. lYmK
Childhood is the most memorable period in a human life, thus it has to be enjoyed at the maximum. Guardians must cheer up their wards to follow routine exercises rather than spending time reading the books. In my opinion, this is a positive change. Few parents wants their little ones to use their quality time in studies while majority are giving more importance to play and other recreation activities. Firstly, practicing daily exercises can improve the attention of work. This is because, exertions can increase the blood supply to the brain in the body. As a result, the person will feel more active and can attain better concentration. For example, if a boy does routine cycling in the evening, this can boost his energy level and will be able to concentrate on his studies. Secondly, a child can become healthy, both physically and mentally. Recreational activities will boost kid’s immunity as they feel happier internally. Laughing therapy is considered a good solution for most of the mental disorders. Although there are many advantages of doing daily exercise in kids, there some demerits to it. Children get deviated from their studies. Consequently, kids will get poor academics scores and it indirectly affects them in their character as well. For instance, if a girl is more addicted to dance, which will drastically change her result in studies as well as her character. In conclusion, parents can encourage their kids to do routine physical activities for their wards better future. However, doing exercise does not mark better individual, but also his academic qualifications matters to some extent. New mentality of parents is truly a beneficial shift.
Childhood is the most memorable period in a human life,
thus
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be enjoyed
at the maximum. Guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
cheer up their wards to follow routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
rather
than spending time reading the books. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Few parents wants their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their quality time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
while majority are giving more importance to play and other recreation activities.

Firstly
, practicing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the attention of work. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, exertions can increase the blood supply to the brain in the body.
As a result
, the person will feel more active and can attain better concentration.
For example
, if a boy does routine cycling in the evening, this can boost his energy level and will be able to concentrate on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Secondly
, a child can become healthy, both
physically
and mentally. Recreational activities will boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
immunity as they feel happier
internally
. Laughing therapy
is considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution for most of the mental disorders.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of doing daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits to it. Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deviated from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poor academics scores and it
indirectly
affects them in their character
as well
.
For instance
, if a girl is more addicted to dance, which will
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
her result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
as well
as her character.

In conclusion
, parents can encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to do routine physical activities for their wards better future.
However
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
does not mark better individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
his academic qualifications matters to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. New mentality of parents is
truly
a beneficial shift.

IELTS essay Parents should encourage children to spend less time studying and more time doing physical activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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