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Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer tuitions. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer tuitions. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion? NQXd
It has been a controversial question whether the government of richer nations should be more responsible helping the poorer tuitions in health, education, and trades due to their importance for the development of a nation. As for me, there is no reason to denounce this opinion. There is no concern that helping the impoverished countries in such areas is the richer governments’ responsibilities. Firstly, helping those poorer countries is not only seem like a good thing to do but it also a good opportunity to invest on. In short terms, it is a “win-win” co-operation. The richer country can raise a country’s development by investing in its health and educational services and in return, they can financially benefit from the investment. For examples, the are many international colleges and universities around Vietnam like BUV, RMIT, ITI, … and the investors can benefit from the students’ loans. Another reason why richer country should help poorer countries that is to improve the friendship between countries around the world, rich countries help poor countries, and the poor countries help the pourers. As a result, it will raise a commonwealth between countries. Many organizations and commonwealths have been so successful in this, like ASEAN and EU. Finally, it’s all about the human’s rights. It declared that everyone around the globe have the rights to have a proper health services, education and living conditions. And since trading is one of the economic spearheads of many countries, it indirectly improves the people’s living conditions and services in a country. Yet many citizens living in such poor countries can not access to those services. And the rich nations, since they have done so well for their people’s conditions living and other essential services, should take more responsibility to help those poor nations’ people, with a view to having the people’s equality around the world. In conclusion, there is no doubt that richer nations should help the poorer countries in order to raise their development as it not only benefits the countries’ government but also the people and the helping countries.
It has been a controversial question whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should be more responsible helping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
in health, education, and trades due to their importance for the development of a
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nation
. As for me, there is no reason to denounce this opinion.

There is no concern that helping the impoverished
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countries
in such areas is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ responsibilities.
Firstly
, helping those
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poorer
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countries
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seem like a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing to do
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but
it
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to invest on. In short terms, it is a “win-win” co-operation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development by investing in its health and educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and in return, they can
financially
benefit from the investment. For examples,
Did you mean "they are" or "there are"?
the are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international colleges and universities
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around
Vietnam like BUV,
Possible spelling mistake found.
RMIT
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ITI
, … and the investors can benefit from the students’ loans. Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
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country
should
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help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
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countries
that is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the friendship between
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countries
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around
the world, rich
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
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help
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pourers
.
As a result
, it will raise a commonwealth between
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countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
organizations and commonwealths have been
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so
successful in this, like ASEAN and EU.

Finally
, it’s all about the
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human rights"?
human’s rights
. It declared that everyone
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around
the globe have the rights to have a proper health
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services
, education and
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living
conditions. And since trading is one of the economic spearheads of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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countries
, it
indirectly
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improves
the
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people’s
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living
conditions and
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services
in a
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country
.
Yet
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many
citizens
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living
in such
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poor
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countries
can not access to those
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services
. And the rich
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nations
, since they have done
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so
well for their
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people’s
conditions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
and other essential
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services
, should take more responsibility to
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help
those
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poor
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nations’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, with a view to having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
equality
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around
the world.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that
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richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to raise their development as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits the
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countries’
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government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
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IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer tuitions. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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