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Parents should encourage children spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Parents should encourage children spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities. 9oKr
Nowadays, children are buried with a lot of pressure about high marks in study and good physical condition in bodies. While some parents encourage children spend less time on studying hard and more time on physical activities, I agree that it is more important for children to study hard. It is no doubt that physical activities play an important role in children’s growth. At first, children can own strong body with enough activities which can make them much healthier. Secondly, by taking part in various physical activities, children can make more friends during the cooperation of activities. Thus making them cheerful and energetic rather than autistic. Thirdly, physical test is essential in the final marks. For example, if a child can get high marks in study with a low grade in physical test, he will fail no matter how great his study is. However, studying is still the primary duty in children’s life. For one thing, study will accompany children’s full life no matter in school or in work in the future. A good study ability can make them much easier to grasp professional skills and apply these skills into life quickly. That will make them stand out in the crowd. For another, Only by study can they receive higher education for further study. When children enter college of higher education, there will be better courses and teachers who are experts in their fields. That can pave the path for the better life. Although physical activities can benefit children a lot in health and body, in my point of view, parents should pay more focus on children’s study rather than physical activities.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are buried
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure about high marks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition in bodies. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend less time on studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

It is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
growth. At
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strong body with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them much healthier.
Secondly
, by taking part in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more friends during the cooperation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Thus
making them cheerful and energetic
rather
than autistic.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
is essential in the final marks.
For example
, if a child can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high marks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with a low grade in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, he will fail no matter how great his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is.

However
, studying is
still
the primary duty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life. For one thing,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will accompany
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
full life no matter in school or in work in the future. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
ability can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them much easier to grasp professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and apply these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
into life
quickly
. That will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them stand out in the crowd. For another,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can they receive higher education for
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter college of higher education, there will be better courses and teachers who are experts in their fields. That can pave the path for the better life.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a lot in health and body, in my point of view, parents should pay more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS essay Parents should encourage children spend less time on studying and more time on doing physical activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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