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Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat

Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat 76b5
It is argued that if the child is obese it is parents who are responsible for child to grow fat. I agree to this statement because they let their children eat lot of junk and pamper them with sweets and chocolates Firstly, parents should never allow their kids to eat junks, which lead them live unhealthy life. Parents are very much busy these days they are so occupied with work and when ever the kid is cranky to make the children calm down they bribe by giving junk or any other unhealthy food and ultimately teaching bad lifestyle. A recent survey says that 90% of parents choose to feed unprocessed food like; Pizza, burgers and cool drinks. Secondly, they pamper their kids with chocolates for no reason for very small good work they do they appreciate by giving chocolates, as we know chocolate contains lot of lead which in turn make the baby grow big in size. For example if parents start to present something, productive gifts, which can improve their mental health and make the kids occupied but by giving chocolates they not only spoil the health of their children but also waste the money and unknowingly they are the reason of their child future Here by I conclude that most of the parents are setting wrong example by feeding junk to their kids and encouraging them to consume unhealthy and unnecessary food. Kids do get addicted to the unprocessed food easily so its total parent responsibility to keep their child fit and healthy.
It
is argued
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is obese it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to grow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children eat
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
and pamper them with sweets and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
chocolates


Firstly
,
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parents
should never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junks
, which lead them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much busy these days they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
occupied with work and when ever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is cranky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the children calm down they bribe by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
or any other unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
ultimately
teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle. A recent survey says that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
choose to feed unprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like; Pizza, burgers and cool drinks.

Secondly
, they pamper their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chocolates
for no reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work they do they appreciate by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chocolates
, as we know chocolate contains
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
lead which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the baby grow
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
big in size
.
For example
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to present something, productive gifts, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
occupied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chocolates
they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spoil the health of their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
waste the money and
unknowingly
they are the reason of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
future

Here by I conclude that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are setting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
example by feeding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and encouraging them to consume unhealthy and unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to the unprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
easily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
fit and healthy.
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IELTS essay Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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