Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Parents of obese children should be punished because they make children fat. Do you agree with this or not

Parents of obese children should be punished because they make children fat. Do you agree with this or not 1Vdgy
It is argued that punishment should be imposed on parents of overweight children. Despite some opponents’s views, I believe that this policy is of importance because the types of food that children consume are chosen by their caretakers and punishments raise adults’s awareness about giving children healthy diet. Firstly, there is no doubt that parents decide what their offspring eat on daily basis. Obviously, If guardians have eating habit of high-fat foods such as pork, hamburger and pizza rather than diet, their children are influenced by this and they also tend to enjoy these kinds of food. As a result, The weight of children significantly gains, so more and more youngsters become obese. In addition, the disease of the young’s obesity leads to health deterioration so parents have to take responsibility for this problem. Secondly, Those who might be fined due to having supersized children can raise their awareness about the importance of giving their offspring an appropriate diet. This means that punishment plays a vital role as a warn for parents to care about what sorts of dishes they are feeding their children. In fact, adults are so occupied that they get used to give their kids junk food frequently or they might lack knowledge about healthy dishes. This policy’s enforcement will make them spend more time learning good- health diet to help children avoid being obese. In conclusion, I totally agree with the view that parents having obese offspring should be fined to make contribution to the decreasing number of outweight youngsters.
It
is argued
that punishment should
be imposed
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "opponent’s" or "opponents’"?
opponents’s
views, I believe that this policy is of importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consume
are chosen
by their caretakers and punishments raise
Did you mean "adult’s" or "adults’"?
adults’s
awareness about giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
healthy diet.

Firstly
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decide what their offspring eat on daily basis.
Obviously
, If guardians have eating habit of high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as pork, hamburger and pizza
rather
than diet, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are influenced
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they
also
tend to enjoy these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, The weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
significantly
gains,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more and more youngsters become obese.
In addition
, the disease of the young’s obesity leads to health deterioration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility for this problem.

Secondly
, Those who might
be fined
due to having supersized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can raise their awareness about the importance of giving their offspring an appropriate diet. This means that punishment plays a vital role as
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'warn' is correct. If 'warn' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a warn
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to care about what sorts of dishes they are feeding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact, adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
occupied that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
In the grammatical structure 'pronoun + be/get + used + to + verb', the verb 'used' is used with the gerund: "used to giving".
used to give
their kids junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
frequently or
they might lack knowledge about healthy dishes. This policy’s enforcement will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them spend more time learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
- health diet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
avoid being obese.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
having obese offspring should
be fined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contribution to the decreasing number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
youngsters.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Parents of obese children should be punished because they make children fat. Do you agree with this or not

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 6band
    effect of social media on teenager
    Social media are now no stranger to human’s daily life, especially to young people. They have become an irreplaceable part of many teenagers with various advantages and negative effects. Social media can offer numerous benefits to young people. Firstly, the very beginning purpose of social media is...
  • 5band
    Using locally manufactured products
    Some people believe that due to the rapid changes occurring in modern work places, it is better to employ younger than older people. I do not believe that this is the case. Some people believe that due to the rapid changes occurring in modern work places, it is better to employ younger than older pe...
  • 6band
    Effects of Reading on Your Studies
    There is nothing like sitting down with a good book. Reading is an immensely crucial skill that allows students to obtain information from books, worksheets, social media, and boards to acquire what they want or need to know. It gives us, particularly students, tons of advantages, including knowledg...
  • 6.5band
    the causes of stress on human's life
    Stress is a common phenomenon that can cause serious effects on humans. As a consequence of stress, people have to cope with everything under poor mental health, meaning that it will lead to an inability to function effectively if it is left unchecked. There are various factors responsible for this ...
  • 6band
    Compare and/or Contrast High School and University/College
    The leap from high school to college is a large one. Many Vietnamese students entering post-secondary education have found that the experience there is much more different than the one they had in high school. That contains the huge difference in the payment and the academic challenges. Starting wi...
  • 5.5band
    Describe a Memorable Journey you have experienced.
    my recent trip to Da Lat, the city of Love, was five months ago, which was New Year’s Eve. It was one of the most unforgettable trips of mine. Da Lat city at that time was one of the most attractive places in Vietnam. There have been several tourist destinations for us to discover such as Langbiang...