Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Parents buy many toys for their children advantage and disadvantages

Parents buy many toys for their children advantage and disadvantages XyRpN
Parents blow huge money to buy enormous amount of toys for their children which has certainly some positive consequences, like the development of educational learning, and building of self confidence. But, it has some negative results also, like social isolation and detachment of the child with their parents. In this essay both sides will be discussed of having too much toys with the child. Firstly, the important purpose of providing too many toys is that they serve educational background and the learning abilities of the children are enhanced. For example, A child having a toy shape animal will help to memorise him virtually and it will help in explaining the educational concept. Another benefit is that children will have a feeling of self confidence, trust and believe. For instance, Playing with peers a child can not a feeling of deprived after watching other children with latest toys. Despite the positive arguments, there are also some negative outcomes which may affect child psychologically. Firstly, child may get socially isolated by having only toys in his life. Because, he loves and enjoys the company of his toys Consequently, he gets detached from the parents, he will stop sharing the matters with them, and result comes out of socially inactive and poorly communicated with the parents. Secondly the child after getting a number of toys loose the importance of everything in his life and he stops valuing the stuff. Furthermore he looses strength in valuing and achieving the goods. He takes everything for granted. Resultantly he doesn’t understand the importance of goods in life. To conclude, playing with toys expose the children with the discovery learning abilities however if they spend too much time with the toys they become socially inactive and come up with poor or less social skills.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
blow huge money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which has
certainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences, like the development of educational learning, and building of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results
also
, like social isolation and detachment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. In this essay both sides will
be discussed
of having too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
with the child.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
purpose of providing too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
is that they serve educational background and the learning abilities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are enhanced
.
For example
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toy
shape animal will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
him
virtually
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in explaining the educational concept. Another benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a feeling of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self confidence
, trust and believe.
For instance
, Playing with peers a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can not a feeling of deprived after watching other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
toys.

Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
arguments, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes which may affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
psychologically
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
socially
isolated by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
in his life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
and enjoys the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
Consequently
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
detached from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
sharing the matters with them, and result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out of
socially
inactive and
poorly
communicated with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
after getting a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
loose the importance of everything in his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
valuing the stuff.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
he looses strength in valuing and achieving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. He takes everything for granted.
Resultantly
he doesn’t understand the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in life.

To conclude
, playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
expose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with the discovery learning abilities
however
if they spend too much time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
they become
socially
inactive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with poor or less social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Parents buy many toys for their children advantage and disadvantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5band
    A memorable event in my life
    There are several memorable events in my life that I have never forget. One of them are the experience in “welcome freshmen” event which held when I was freshman of HCM university of education. This was an annual event held for freshman so everyone was so eager to join it and I was no exception. I h...
  • 6band
    : unemployement is a serious issue throughout the world. A number of changes need to be made to reduce the problem/ what should the government do to solve this issue?
    It is a trend that the number of the jobless has been increasing for several decades, at which point pollowed by many serious outcomes such as high crime rate, the slum appearances, …… from my view of point, I think there are two main key solutions which government should do. Firstly, the administr...
  • 5.5band
    Nowadays, computers and games are the leading source of entertainment for youngsters.
    Nowadays, computers and games are the leading source of entertainment for youngsters. However, they tend to serve violence in different ways. This can effect a person negatively and make them vulnerable to commit crimes. In my opinion, these scenes should be censored in order to nulify their ill eff...
  • 6band
    Which is better: working in an office or at home?
    Some people are more comfortable in an office setting, while others prefer to work from home. In the foreseeable future, the majority of workers have to get back from working in offices. However, there is a certain number of advantages to working in an office that cannot be compared to remote workin...
  • 5.5band
    Nowadays, we are living in a throw away society. What are its causes and solutions.
    It is irrefutable that, due to advancement in technology a drastic change can be observed in living style of people. Hence, in this contampoary era, many societies are being influenced by throw way culture. This essay will not only highlights the causes associated with this issue but also illustrate...
  • 5.5band
    Essay of my passion to Kyoto college
    As human health and sanitation have become vital today due to global warming and pandemics, and the demand for medical personnel and technology surge, I am very passionate to work in medical technology to improve health services accessibility. With a strong background in mathematics and physics, I h...





Get more results for topic:
  • Parents buy many toys for their children advantage and disadvantages