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Parents are too permissive with their children

Parents are too permissive with their children p10My
Psychological think parent should be permissive with their children. Certainly, children need love but how to do child-rearing is more important. Parents should have law about nurturing. Some of parents think their childhood can cross the street and return home after school: while their children roam the street and do whatever their want. This is wrong. Or in another example, when teenager want to get party, their parents should go from home because parents disrupted their happiness. This is wrong too. The best treat is the psychological shouted to parents do want they should have done. Parents should control and check their children if this treating is a little harsh. In living with parent, children should know their position. They must obey from parents until they will grow up and can recognize wrong and right.
Psychological
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think
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parent
should be permissive with their
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children
.
Certainly
,
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children
need
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love
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
how to do child-rearing is more
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important
.
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Parents
should have law about nurturing.
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Some
of
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their childhood can cross the street and return home after school: while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
roam the street and do whatever their want. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Or in another example, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
party, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should go from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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parents
disrupted their happiness. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
too. The best treat is the psychological shouted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do want they should have done.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should control and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if this treating is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
harsh. In living with
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parent
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should know their position. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
obey from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until they will grow up and can recognize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and right.

IELTS essay Parents are too permissive with their children

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
135 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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