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Overpopulation in many cities has been a major issue. What is the cause of this problem? How can governments solve this?

Overpopulation in many cities has been a major issue. What is the cause of this problem? How can governments solve this? Yk3e5
It is true that numerous of major cities have a population issues although citizens have a choice to live outside of cities. This essay will discuss main problems associated with inhabitable and purpose some possible solutions to avoid them. To begin with, the main problem cause by increasing house prices in particular area and increase homeless issues. Although all the citizens have a choice of the property, people prefer to live in urban due to vocations, convenience and other reasons. Therefore plenty of places have a homeless problem and overprice of housing. Moreover, rural area have a major issue which is lack of young individuals, so it leads to no more employees in the essential workplaces. For example, people who live in outside of town have to drive more than an hours for hospitals or school. In my opinion, there are few solutions to solve these problems. First, government should support the companies where located in countryside, so they can hire more employees. Moreover, government should gives more benefits to someone who have children. For example, Korean government supports individuals who have a child, however it has slight differences between who live in urban and countryside. Rural area people get more expense than others. As consequence, it will keep the population balance between metropolitans and rural areas. In conclusion, leading overpopulation cause the huge problems, include overprice housing, homeless, lack of people in outside of city. The most of effective solution is creating support systems in non popular area.
It is true that numerous of major cities have a population issues although citizens have a choice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
outside of cities. This essay will discuss main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
associated with inhabitable and purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to avoid them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
cause by increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
prices
in particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and increase homeless issues. Although all the citizens have a choice of the property,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in urban due to vocations, convenience and other reasons.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of places have a homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and overprice of housing.
Moreover
, rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
have a major issue which is lack of young individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it leads to no more employees in the essential workplaces.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in outside of town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive more than
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an hour" or simply "hours"?
an hours
for hospitals or school.

In my opinion, there are few solutions to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
where located in countryside,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can hire more employees.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "give"
gives
more benefits to someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have children.
For example
, Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
supports individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a child,
however
it has slight differences between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in urban and countryside. Rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more expense than others. As consequence, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the population balance between metropolitans and rural areas.

In conclusion
, leading overpopulation cause the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, include overprice housing, homeless, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in outside of city. The most of effective solution is creating support systems in
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
non popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
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IELTS essay Overpopulation in many cities has been a major issue. What is the cause of this problem? How can governments solve this?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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