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Overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk.

Overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk. 26VEX
The ocean has provided us with an abundant source of marine fish and a variety of seafood for millions of years. Just a few decades ago the ocean was still a rich source of biological resources, but not today. I completely agree with the opinion that people today abuse indiscriminate fishing. Most of the reason for this problem is the increasing demand for seafood and more and more boats appearing in the same sea. To solve this problem, the government has implemented management work, limited indiscriminate fishing by fishermen, propaganda and encouraged people to fish far from the shore. The increasing demand for human consumption leads to seafood becoming a rich and preferred food source. Seafood is processed in different ways such as drying or canning for long-term use. Currently, fish is the main source of protein for nearly half of the world's population. Therefore, indiscriminate fishing often occurs leading to rare and endangered fish species, especially the whale. To prevent this, other foods should be encouraged in addition to fish to balance existing food sources. Moreover, the concentration of too many fishing boats in one area, especially near the shore, also has a significant impact on fish stocks. In Vietnam, every year, the number of boats across the country increases significantly, but mainly small-capacity ships focus on fishing in coastal waters, while in other regions there are very few boats passing through. . Unbalanced and unsustainable fishing can lead to rapid decline of seafood resources in coastal waters. Therefore, propaganda and encouragement of offshore fishing should be done as soon as possible. as possible to not only balance the number of fish but also avoid disparities in marine economy between regions. However, strong exploitation in the field of seafood, especially fish, will bring many benefits to the national economy. Developing countries that do not have abundant resources, it is easier and more effective to exploit the sea to boost their economy than to focus on other areas. In summary, the government should take reasonable measures to balance food consumption in order to prevent overfishing.
The ocean has provided us with an abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of marine fish and a variety of seafood for millions of years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
a few decades ago the ocean was
still
a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of biological resources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
abuse indiscriminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
. Most of the reason for this problem is the increasing demand for seafood and more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
appearing in the same sea. To solve this problem, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has implemented management work, limited indiscriminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
by fishermen, propaganda and encouraged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to fish far from the shore.

The increasing demand for human consumption leads to seafood becoming a rich and preferred
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
. Seafood
is processed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways such as drying or canning for long-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Currently
, fish is the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of protein for
nearly
half of the world's population.
Therefore
, indiscriminate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
occurs leading to rare and endangered fish species,
especially
the whale. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
should
be encouraged
in addition
to fish to balance existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sources.

Moreover
, the concentration of too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
in one area,
especially
near the shore,
also
has a significant impact on fish stocks. In Vietnam, every year, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
across the country increases
significantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-capacity ships focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
in coastal waters, while in other regions there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boats
passing through.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Unbalanced and unsustainable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
can lead to rapid decline of seafood resources in coastal waters.
Therefore
, propaganda and encouragement of offshore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fishing
should
be done
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
possible to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
balance the number of fish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
avoid disparities in marine economy between regions.

However
, strong exploitation in the field of seafood,
especially
fish, will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to the national economy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Developing countries
that do not have abundant resources, it is easier and more effective to exploit the sea to boost their economy than to focus on other areas.

In summary, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take reasonable measures to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
overfishing.
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IELTS essay Overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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