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overeating is as harmful as smoking. therefore, the advertisement about instant food should be banned as cigar. to what extent do agree or disagree

overeating is as harmful as smoking. therefore, the advertisement about instant food should be banned as cigar. to what extent do agree or disagree xO8w9
Firstly, consuming too much food can lead to heath problems, which are detrimental health for a long time. Fast food, soft drink, chocolate are considered as unhealthy foods, which high in fat and sugar. Advertisements about food will bring to customer felling to try because these foods are catching eyes and cause them feel mouthwatering. As a result, those who intake too much these foods are likely to suffer from obesity, diabetes especially children and young adult. However, I partly agree with completely ban on food ads commercial because advertisement brings a wide range of benefits to society. Firstly, adverts provide more useful information for customers. These days, many companies sell the same products so they produce more adverts to attract their potential cilents, aiming to maximizing their profits. Therefore, customers have more chance to compare quality of products, which will help them to have more better shopping choices. For instance, thanks to watch more TV commercial about instant noodles, I have enriched my knowledge about ingredients, price and quality of this product. Secondly, advertising industry provides more employment opportunity without it more people would become unemployment, which would badly affect their life. Thirdly, advertisement makes a great contribution to tax revenue of the government. They could use this money for more important sectors such as healthcare, education for example.
Firstly
, consuming too much
food
can lead to heath problems, which are detrimental health for a long time.
Fast
food
, soft drink, chocolate
are considered
as unhealthy
foods
, which high in
fat
and sugar. Advertisements about
food
will bring to customer felling to try
because
these
foods
are catching eyes and cause them feel mouthwatering.
As a result
, those who intake too much these
foods
are likely to suffer from obesity, diabetes
especially
children and young adult.

However
, I partly
agree
with completely ban on
food
ads commercial
because
advertisement brings a wide range of benefits to society.
Firstly
, adverts provide more useful information for customers. These days,
many
companies
sell the same products
so
they produce more adverts to attract their potential
cilents
, aiming to maximizing their profits.
Therefore
, customers have more chance to compare quality of products, which will
help
them to have
more better
shopping choices.
For instance
, thanks to
watch
more TV commercial about instant noodles, I have enriched my knowledge about ingredients, price and quality of this product.
Secondly
, advertising industry provides more employment opportunity without it more
people
would become unemployment, which would
badly
affect their
life
.
Thirdly
, advertisement
makes
a great contribution to tax revenue of the
government
. They could
use
this money for more
important
sectors such as healthcare, education
for example
.
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IELTS essay overeating is as harmful as smoking. therefore, the advertisement about instant food should be banned as cigar. to what extent do agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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