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In Many Places Shopping Is The New Leisure Time Activity

In Many Places Shopping Is The New Leisure Time Activity VYwm6
Time is changing and so are the favorite hobbies of youngsters. Nowadays, many adults can be seen spending time doing shopping. The desire to show off in front of friends is the main cause of this change. According to my point of view, I agree that people don't appreciate the value of money anymore. From teenagers to adult, want to update themself with the technology and fashion. Every day a new fashion trend or a new gadget is being introduced in the market. For example, a gaming Youtuber recommends a particular mobile phone for pubg mob so boys might store money or beg from their parents. Moreover, many times adults want to show off their status by purchasing expensive things they don't really need like a Vessel. That is why we see many youngsters with large friend circles hopping from shop to shop and spending money. It is not only a wastage of money but a wastage of precious time and energy. Nowadays, people buy things and evaluate them for the people on social media like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. People call it a vlog explaining things in a nutshell. The youngsters spend their hard-earned money on unwanted things. Instead of collecting all the junk in their closets, they can join gym or yoga classes for a healthy mind and body. Thus it is evident that excessive shopping is a waste of money, time, and energy. In contrast, according to studies, most of the people who go to the mall for shopping helps in stress and mind free. To conclude, most of the youngsters now spend their time shopping because they want to follow the latest fashion trends and to impress their friends. However, it is a negative development as it is a complete waste of time, energy, and more importantly money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Time
is changing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the favorite hobbies of youngsters. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. The desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off in front of friends is the main cause of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. According to my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't appreciate the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
anymore.

From
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to adult, want to update
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
with the technology and fashion. Every day a new fashion trend or a new gadget is
being introduced
in the market.
For example
, a gaming
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtuber
recommends a particular mobile phone for
Possible spelling mistake found.
pubg
mob
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
boys might store
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or beg from their parents.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
adults want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their status by purchasing expensive things they don't
really
need like a Vessel.
That is
why we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters with large friend circles hopping from shop to shop and spending money.

It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a wastage of precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things and evaluate them for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on social media like Facebook, Instagram, YouTube.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
call it a vlog explaining things in a nutshell. The youngsters spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unwanted things.
Instead
of collecting all the junk in their closets, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
gym or yoga classes for a healthy mind and body.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is evident that excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and energy.
In contrast
, according to studies, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go to the mall for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and mind free.

To conclude
, most of the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to follow the latest fashion trends and to impress their friends.
However
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it is a complete waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, energy, and more
importantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
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IELTS essay In Many Places Shopping Is The New Leisure Time Activity

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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