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Our world developed in many ways today

Our world developed in many ways today ygyXD
Our world developed in many ways today, in particular, technology had been the huge part from this revelation. Meanwhile, the internet is one of this development and brings to us an obvious advantages and disadvantages. But the problem that this invention brought a lot of problems rather than benefits, particularly cyber security field. In my opinion, the disadvantages of the internet outweigh the advantages. Many controlling problems had been a disaster for many companies. In addition, stealing information considered one of these obstacles. Many companies today suffering from trying to control their information from spread to other competitor. To illustrate, there is a strong competition in the business industry as a result for this chiefs executive officers doing their best to protect their systems, which is the heart of any industry, from any threatening to control it. Due to the use of internet, stealing information from any industry even from your smartphone, becoming more easier to any individual. For instance, these days hackers becoming more dangerous. Especially young people who trying to prove their intelligence by stealing industries. This problem a reason for parents absence. Companies heir many competent to protect their information from staling. In conclusion, as a result for all these obstacles a huge number of specialist do not work without an acceptable salary. We can not ignore any of the internet problems since its destroy the individual and their works. Also government should present a strict rules to ensure the good life for people. I agree that internet brings problems than benefits.
Our world developed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
in particular
, technology had been the huge part from this revelation. Meanwhile, the internet is one of this development and brings to us an obvious advantages and disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
that this invention brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
rather
than benefits,
particularly
cyber security field. In my opinion, the disadvantages of the internet outweigh the advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
had been a disaster for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
In addition
, stealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
considered one of these obstacles.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
suffering from trying to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from spread to other competitor. To illustrate, there is a strong competition in the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
as a result
for this chiefs executive officers doing their best to protect their systems, which is the heart of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, from any threatening to control it.

Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet, stealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
even from your smartphone, becoming
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
to any individual.
For instance
, these days hackers becoming more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Especially
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who trying to prove their intelligence by stealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
a reason for parents absence.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
heir
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
competent to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from staling.

In conclusion
,
as a result
for all these obstacles a huge number of specialist do not work without an acceptable salary. We can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
any of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
since its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the individual and their works.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should present a strict
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "rule"?
rules
to ensure the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
life for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that internet brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
than benefits.
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IELTS essay Our world developed in many ways today

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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