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Ordinary people try to copy famous people either by reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v.1

Ordinary people try to copy famous people either by reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v. 1
It is an undeniable fact that, with the easy access to magazines and television, common people nowadays opt to live the lives of celebrities. There are many reasons why people do so, a few of which are discussed in this essay. I, however, believe that copying famous people is not a good idea. Firstly, it is assumed by some people that, the celebrities lead a perfect lifestyle. For example, when they see the smiling, glamorous faces of celebs like Angelina Jolie and Tom Cruise, the viewers think that their lives are free of all the worldly worries and stress. This is why they prefer to be like them. Secondly, people perceive that the popular people are successful by birth. But, they do not know the true struggle behind achieving this fame, as magazines and media usually leave that part out of their articles. I think that an individual must not try and lead exactly the same lifestyle as that of the famous people. This is because, every person possesses his own qualities, potential and capabilities. For instance, a man interested in the game of cricket, while trying hard to be like Shane Watson or Sachin Tendulkar, forgets his own talent and gets distracted from it. Because, not every person with an interest in cricket is born to be a cricketer, as he has a variety of other skills, which he overlooks while blindly copying his ideals. To conclude, ordinary people follow successful people, because they think that there is no one as perfect as them and their life is a complete code of conduct. However, I believe that this idolization distracts people from following their own instincts and shine in the way they are meant to be.
It is an undeniable fact that, with the easy access to magazines and television, common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of celebrities. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, a few of which
are discussed
in this essay. I,
however
, believe that copying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Firstly
, it
is assumed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that, the celebrities lead a perfect lifestyle.
For example
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the smiling, glamorous faces of celebs like Angelina Jolie and Tom Cruise, the viewers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are free of all the worldly worries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. This is why they prefer to be like them.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive that the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are successful by birth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they do not know the true struggle behind achieving this fame, as magazines and media
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
that part out of their articles.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
lead exactly the same lifestyle as that of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, every person possesses his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
qualities, potential and capabilities.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
interested in the game of cricket, while trying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to be like Shane Watson or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, forgets his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
distracted from it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, not every person with an interest in cricket
is born
to be a cricketer, as he has a variety of other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which he overlooks while
blindly
copying his ideals.

To conclude
, ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no one as perfect as them and their life is a complete code of conduct.
However
, I believe that this idolization distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from following their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instincts and shine in the way they
are meant
to be.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Ordinary people try to copy famous people either by reading magazines or watching TV. Why do they do this? Do you think it is a good idea to copy famous people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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