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Online shopping is replacing the conventional shopping stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative ?

It is not secret that Online shopping has been becoming increasingly among all of the individuals in the world recent years as well as it is replacing traditional shopping. Although most people say that this is positive development, it has a variety of negative sides in term of earning some money for a little market and seller who sell their products on the bazar. Many people think that online shopping has entered to our life. Moreover, this has become influences to our daily life obviously, it has accustomed of humans to the modren life with out extra actions. For example, the population of the Uk permanently buy needly thing on the internet instead of going to traditional markets. Moreove, it helps to a number of individuals in the term of saving their time and consuming fresh products. Due to this over million people shop a variety of products on the internet everyday in that place and also it shows this positive development for every individuals. Many people say that. There are several deleterious sides for a number of individuals who earn some money from the conventional shopping stores. for example in my country, plenty of people earn so much money from traditional bazaar. However, after online shopping is developed by a high companies in this place. Along with this, many people has become shop on the internet as much as possible. Also, this will be effected on earning money on the bazar, decreasing a number of work and increaseing a number of workless. Finally, all of problems will bring a huge problems in term of living in this place. Therefore, The government of my country shorten of online companies in this place and with this is going to provide our population with work again. In conclusion, Plenty of people think that the negative sides online shopping are outweigh the positive sides.
It is not secret that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has been becoming
increasingly
among
Consider using “all the”.
all of the
individuals in the world recent years
as well
as it is replacing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. Although most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development, it has a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
Did you mean the commonly used phrase “in terms of”?
in term of
earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
market and seller who sell their products on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bazar
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has entered to our life.
Moreover
, this has become influences to our daily life
obviously
, it has accustomed of humans to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
modren
life
This word is usually written together. Did you mean “without”?
with out
extra actions.
For example
, the population of the
Did you mean “UK” (= United Kingdom)?
Uk
permanently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Possible spelling mistake found.
needly
thing on the internet
instead
of going to traditional markets.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moreove
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals in the term of saving their time and consuming fresh products. Due to this over million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shop a variety of products on the internet
‘Everyday’ is an adjective. Did you mean “every day”?
everyday
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “individual”?
individuals
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that. There are several deleterious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of individuals who earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
stores.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
for
example in my country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from traditional bazaar.
However
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is developed
by a high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. Along with this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
has
become shop on the internet as much as possible.
Also
, this will
be effected
on earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bazar
, decreasing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of work and
Possible spelling mistake found.
increaseing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
workless
.
Finally
,
Consider using “all problems” or “all of the problems”.
all of problems
will bring
The plural noun “problems” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a huge problem” or “huge problems”?
a huge problems
Did you mean the commonly used phrase “in terms of”?
in term of
living in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Therefore
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of my country shorten of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and with this is going to provide our population with work again.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
are outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
.
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IELTS essay Online shopping is replacing the conventional shopping stores. Do you think this is a positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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