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Online shopping is increasing dramatically. What are the effects on the environment and kinds of jobs?

Online shopping is increasing dramatically. What are the effects on the environment and kinds of jobs? NVy7m
These days, more and more people are purchasing their items online. This trend has a great impact not only on the surrounding environment but also on the types of jobs available. To begin with, online shopping has positive and negative effects on the environment. The main benefit of ordering our needs online is that people do not have to drive their cars or even use public transportation to reach shopping centers. In contrast, if regular shopping was still dominant, traffic jams would be worse than now, especially during weekends. However, purchasing online has harmful consequences. One of them is that people are often ordering more than they actually need due to the easiness of shopping online, which means that a tremendous amount of wastes are often produced. As a consequence, these wastes put a huge burden on the environment. In addition, there are great influences on the kinds of jobs available nowadays. Firstly, traditional occupations have decreased over the last few years due to the change of the market patterns. For example, salesmen and accountants are no longer the most required professions now. This is because the more people buy online, the fewer retailers’ businesses expand, which means fewer jobs offered by this market. Secondly, shopping online has created thousands of vocations, which are considered relatively new kinds of jobs. For instance, programmers and IT employees have had more job opportunities than traditional workers. As a result, if online shopping keeps growing, more and more changes will probably happen in the immediate future. In conclusion, while shopping online has different impacts on the environment including decreased traffic crowding and increased wastes, it has replaced traditional professions with modern ones.
These days, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are purchasing their items
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This trend has a great impact not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the surrounding environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on the types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the environment. The main benefit of ordering our needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drive their cars or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transportation to reach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers.
In contrast
, if regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
was
still
dominant, traffic jams would be worse than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
especially
during weekends.
However
, purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has harmful consequences. One of them is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ordering more than they actually need due to the easiness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which means that a tremendous amount of wastes
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
produced. As a consequence, these wastes put a huge burden on the environment.

In addition
, there are great influences on the kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
available nowadays.
Firstly
, traditional occupations have decreased over the last few years due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of the market patterns.
For example
, salesmen and accountants are no longer the most required professions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, the fewer retailers’ businesses expand, which means fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
offered by this market.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has created thousands of vocations, which
are considered
relatively
new kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For instance
, programmers and IT employees have had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities than traditional workers.
As a result
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
growing, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
will
probably
happen in the immediate future.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
impacts on the environment including decreased traffic crowding and increased wastes, it has replaced traditional professions with modern ones.
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IELTS essay Online shopping is increasing dramatically. What are the effects on the environment and kinds of jobs?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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