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Online shopping has become increasingly popular

Online shopping has become increasingly popular 8L5Y5
Nowadays most people tend to use internet shopping rather than offline. In my opinion, online hopping is used more frequently due to its convenience, however it is also followed by some troubles with environment. Firstly, this essay will discuss reasons why people prefer shopping by online, and secondly, it will analyze rising in consumption of particular energy sources. The main reason why online shopping is widely-acclaimed is reducing of time process. This is because, in 21st century almost all services are modernized and have their online websites where people are able to choose and buy products even do not leave from their appartements. As a result, consumer just do not waste of their time to get to the shops so as the packages are brought by delivers. For example, according o the recent survey which was provided by US government, almost 75% citizens of America are more likely use internet shopping instead of going to shopping mall. However, despite internet gives to people opportunity to shorten their shopping time, it also has several drawback to surrounding. The main reason for this is that, we order some products through computer, phone and laptops which consume electric energy, with regarding that internet is used by million people every second this can lead to increasing demand on electricity. As a consequences, a lot of number of electric power plants would produce huge amount of electric power as well as million tonnes of carbon dioxide. For example, at the moment one-fifth of global energy is spent on electricity especially on computers and phones. In conclusion, I am firmly convinced that it is necessary to shop online in order to save the time. However, they have detrimental impact on environment as an increase consumption of electric energy.
Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than offline. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
hopping is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
frequently
due to its convenience,
however
it is
also
followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles with environment.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, and
secondly
, it will analyze rising in consumption of particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
sources.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
widely
-acclaimed is reducing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
process. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, in 21st century almost all services
are modernized
and have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
websites where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to choose and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products even do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
appartements
.
As a result
, consumer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do not waste of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the shops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as the packages
are brought
by delivers.
For example
, according o the recent survey which
was provided
by US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, almost 75% citizens of America are more likely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall.

However
, despite internet gives to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opportunity to shorten their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it
also
has
Possible agreement error. The noun drawback seems to be countable; consider using: "several drawbacks".
several drawback
to surrounding. The main reason for this is that, we order
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products through computer, phone and laptops which consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, with regarding that internet is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
every second this can lead to increasing demand on electricity. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a consequence" or simply "consequences"?
a consequences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
power plants would produce huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
power
as well
as
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
tonnes of carbon dioxide.
For example
, at the moment one-fifth of global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
is spent
on electricity
especially
on computers and phones.

In conclusion
, I am
firmly
convinced that it is necessary to shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
in order to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
However
, they have detrimental impact on environment as an increase consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
.
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IELTS essay Online shopping has become increasingly popular

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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