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one of the most batiful essay that i have written is when i tell it to mirjeta

one of the most batiful essay that i have written is when i tell it to mirjeta oRkg9
first of all, the World Cup, Olympics and other international games work for easing tensions among different nations. For example, South and North Korea have football games regularly which give two nations a chance to understand each other deeply. In the mid 1990s, a hundreds of North Korean supporters came to South Korea with the footballers and they were very excited during the sporting events. Even if it sounds ridiculous, many South Koreans were quite surprised at that moment when North Koreans shouted and cried during the match. We all realized that they were very normal sports fans even though they were occasionally very secretive. Through the sports, two divided nations could reduce their political and ideological tensions and could feel the patriotic unity. On the other hand, some sports matches can make international relations worse. For instance, football or baseball games between Korea and Japan are always big matches in two countries where full of tensions overflow. Sometimes, after the matches, the two rivals blame each other and their patriotic emotions explode in an aggressive way. Even much worse scenario is that the troubles caused by losing games affect the players directly. In conclusion, I think that international sporting occasions can be one of the good ways to ease tensions or to release patriotism safely. However, I believe that games can not be the fundamental ways for the sound patriotism or peaceful international relations. In today’s modernized era nobody has sufficient time to write letters to their loved ones. Moreover it also takes longer to send or receive any information. But the Internet is the easiest way to send messages to our loved ones. Communication can be either in the form of e-mail or through text messages sent via internet to mobile phones. We can send and receive messages straight way. In other hand today’s young generation mostly prefers to do chatting through the Internet. During such chatting we can write messages and get replies straight away. Moreover voice chatting is going to be very popular day-by-day. As it is a reality the advantages and disadvantages resemble two sides of one coin, which usually runs parallel. So like other things internet also have some downsides, like causing people health problems for example, poor eye-sight, back ache or migraines. Today’s teenagers usually prefer to spend their time on the internet rather than to participating in other physical activities, which causing them to have a weaker physical health. To conclude, I would like to say that the Internet is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, not only for communication, even to get most relevant information regarding every field in a very short period of time. This is a great essay, well done! Remember, ‘the Internet’ is a proper noun, currently, there is only one. Pay attention to your punctuation – many commas are missing after linking words. Otherwise, the essay is well argued and set out.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, the World Cup, Olympics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
work for easing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.
For example
, South and North Korea have football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
regularly
which give two nations a chance to understand each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
deeply
. In the mid 1990s,
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a hundred" or simply "hundreds"?
a hundreds
of North Korean supporters came to South Korea with the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
footballers and
they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
excited during the sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Even if it sounds ridiculous,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
South Koreans were quite surprised at that moment when North Koreans shouted and cried during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
. We all realized that they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal sports fans
even though
they were
occasionally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
secretive. Through the sports, two divided nations could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their political and ideological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
and could feel the patriotic unity.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
relations worse.
For instance
, football or baseball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
between Korea and Japan are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
in two countries where full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
overflow.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
, the two rivals blame each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and their patriotic emotions explode in an aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
. Even much worse scenario is that the troubles caused by losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
affect the players
directly
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
sporting occasions can be one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tensions
or to release patriotism
safely
.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can not be the fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
for the sound patriotism or peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
relations. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modernized era nobody has sufficient time to write letters to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
it
also
takes longer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
or receive any information.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the Internet is the easiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Communication can be either in the form of e-mail or through text
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
via internet to mobile phones. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
straight way.

In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s young generation
mostly
prefers to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go chatting".
do chatting
through the Internet. During such chatting we can write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
replies straight away.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
voice chatting is going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular day-by-day.

As it is a reality the advantages and disadvantages resemble two sides of one coin, which
usually
runs parallel.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "things'" or "thing's"?
things
internet
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides, like causing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
health problems
for example
, poor eye-sight, back ache or migraines.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
usually
prefer to spend their time on the internet
rather
than to participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
physical activities, which causing them to have a weaker physical health.

To conclude
, I would like to say that the Internet is one of the most modernized and most successful tools, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for communication, even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
most relevant information regarding every field in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period of time.

This is a great essay, well done! Remember, ‘the Internet’ is a proper noun,
currently
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one. Pay attention to your punctuation
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
commas are missing after linking words.
Otherwise
, the essay is well argued and set out.
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Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay one of the most batiful essay that i have written is when i tell it to mirjeta

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
488 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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