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Behaviour of a children should be strictly controlled

Behaviour of a children should be strictly controlled kYWw2
There are split opinions about actions of children should be restricted. Guardians and educators have a responsibility of thriving a child. Former group of individuals support to be strict. On the other hand, latter group believes to give a freedom. Ahead of my opinion, both views must be critiqued in the ensuing paragraphs. Discussing the former view, the supporters states that the behaviour of a growing child should be strictly controlled. As a parent and teacher, they have a pressure of growing a child properly. For an instance, several pupils have been given a freedom by their guardians, In a result, they misbehave with others, the things are been stolen by them and they don't respect their elders. Thus, parents and teachers need to be strict for making a child well mannered as well as a great person and a obedient child. A growing child is not mature enough to distinguish between good and bad, therefore, it is better for them to thrive in a strict environment. Contradictorily, the counterparts believe that giving a freedom to children rather than restrict them is more desirable. Taking an example, a child is growing in an environment where there is no restrictions, thus, he can do all the things in his own way, moreover, overall development of that child would be always greater than the restricted one. Thereby, a child should never be pressurised by their parents or faculties. It will constrict the growth of that child. The children shall be allowed to live their life, additionally, they should have an allowance to decide satisfactory career for themselves. Lastly, for the desirable development and growth of a children, the freedom should be given by their parents and educators. Overall, after discussing both views, each of them have several advantages and disadvantages. However, I opine that any child should be grown in a friendly environment. Thus, I go with the latter view because it is essential for their better future.
There
are split
opinions about actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be restricted
. Guardians and educators have a responsibility of thriving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Former group of individuals support to be strict.
On the other hand
, latter group believes to give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
. Ahead of my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be critiqued
in the ensuing paragraphs.

Discussing the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the supporters states that the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should be
strictly
controlled. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and teacher, they have a pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
properly
. For an instance, several pupils have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
by their guardians, In a result, they misbehave with others, the things
are been
stolen by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they don't respect their elders.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers need to be strict for making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well mannered
as well
as a great person and
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
obedient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to distinguish between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
therefore
, it is better for them to thrive in a strict environment.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Contradictorily
, the counterparts believe that giving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than restrict them is more desirable. Taking an example, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growing
in an environment where
Did you mean "there are no restrictions"?
there is no restrictions
,
thus
, he can do all the things in his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way,
moreover
,
overall
development of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
would be always greater than the restricted one. Thereby, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should never be
Possible spelling mistake. 'pressurised' is British English.
pressurised
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or faculties. It will constrict the growth of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shall be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life,
additionally
, they should have an allowance to decide satisfactory career for themselves.
Lastly
, for the desirable development and growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and educators.

Overall
, after discussing both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
, each of them have several advantages and disadvantages.
However
, I opine that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
should
be grown
in a friendly environment.
Thus
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the latter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is essential for their better future.
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IELTS essay Behaviour of a children should be strictly controlled

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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