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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweighs the disadvantages? kONK
It is well-known fact modern people live much longer while in the past it was common they did not live until the age of 50. This improvement in the average length of life is due to medical progress. I believe, there are much more advantages to this trend. I would like to choose a few of them in the following text.  As we know, it used to be inconceivable to live up to 40 years in the Middle Ages. Previously, people did not know how to fight against diseases that are now curable. This caused the daying of millions of people. Moreover, women tend to give birth and have a child at an extremely young age. Therefore, many of them died during giving birth due to insufficient medical care. However, with science research and medical development also healthcare has been improved during the years. As a result, life expectancy has been increasing. We have access to quite effective drugs, vaccination improved. In other words, medicine itself knows more about diseases and how to cure them. Children do not die because of so-called child-diseases such as rubella, polio, or smallpox anymore.                                                                                                               Obviously, we still do not know how to defeat all the known diseases. On the other hand, there is still a possibility to find cures through ongoing scientific research. We can say that the quality of human life has definitely increased. For example, couples can have a family later and thus have more time for their career or traveling first. It has become natural that women have their first child in the late thirties. To compare with, when my mother married at the age of late twenties it was considered unusual. The only disadvantage I see in improved medical care is that in some cases human life is prolonged at any cost. As far as I am concerned, in some cases (for instance people with serious forms of disabilities or illness or those who are in a coma for many years) it is questionable if prolongation is really worth compare to the actual quality of the particular afflicted individual. But those are more ethical questions. To summarize, the progress in healthcare and medical research has definitely more positive impact on the quality of our lives.
It is well-known fact modern
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
much longer while in the past it was common they did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 50. This improvement in the average length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
progress. I believe, there are much more advantages to this trend. I would like to choose a few of them in the following text.  As we
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know
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be inconceivable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
up to 40 years in the Middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Ages
. Previously,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to fight against diseases that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
curable. This caused the 
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daying
of millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, women tend to give birth and have a child at an
extremely
young
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age
.
Therefore
,
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many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
during giving birth due to insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care.
However
, with science research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
development
also
healthcare has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
during the years. As a result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has been increasing. We have access to quite effective drugs, vaccination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
In other words
, medicine itself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knows
more about diseases and how to cure them. Children do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called child-diseases such as rubella, polio, or smallpox anymore.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
                                                                                                             
Obviously
, we
still
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
how to defeat all the known diseases.
On the other hand
, there is
still
a possibility to find cures through ongoing scientific research. We can say that the quality of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has definitely increased.
For example
, couples can have a family later and
thus
have more time for their career or traveling
first
. It has become natural that women have their
first
child in the late thirties. To compare with, when my mother married at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of late twenties it
was considered
unusual. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
disadvantage I 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
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medical
care is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is prolonged
at any cost. As far as I 
am concerned
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases (
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with serious forms of disabilities or illness or those who are in a coma for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years) it is questionable if prolongation is
really
worth compare to the actual quality of the particular afflicted individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
those are more ethical questions.
To summarize
, the progress in healthcare and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research has definitely more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the quality of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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