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Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion and examples. Write at least 250 words.

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Give your own opinion and examples. mjJd
A certain section of people believe that joy is directly related to our financial standing, whereas others feel that happiness does not rely on the amount of money we possess. This essay agrees with the fact money is the key to joy because it can help peope fulfill their materialistic goals and presnt them an opportunity to contribute to society by helping the poor. Basic needs such as food, shelter and clothing require finances without which accessibility to them will not be possible. Moreover, surplus income helps people fulfill their material dreams of buying ameneties that they long for. As a result, this leads to personal satisfaction and happiness which cannot happen if a person is struggling to make both ends meet. For instance, the abundence of money gives a person the power to puurchase their favourite car, house or travel abroad that leads to a happy state of mind. Secondly, being economically sound also gives us an opportunity to help the needy and poor, which cannot happen if a person does not have enough funds. Giving back to the society also creates a feeling of contenment and pleasure for a human being. Social work such as starting a charity and offering financial aid to weaker sections in society needs funding which can only be viable if a person is wealthy. To illustrate, charity organizations set up by business tycoons such as Ratan Tata, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are live examples of social service. In conclusion, if people do not have sufficient money, then they will not be in a postion to afford material desires or even get a chance to help the poor that are in need. Further to this, they wuill always be dissatisfied and unhappy. Hence, achieving happiness will only be a long drawn dream.
A certain section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that joy is
directly
related to our financial standing, whereas others feel that happiness does not rely on the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we possess. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the key to joy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
peope
fulfill their materialistic goals and
Possible spelling mistake found.
presnt
them an opportunity to contribute to society by helping the poor.

Basic needs such as food, shelter and clothing require finances without which accessibility to them will not be possible.
Moreover
, surplus income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
fulfill their material dreams of buying
Possible spelling mistake found.
ameneties
that they long for.
As a result
, this leads to personal satisfaction and happiness which cannot happen if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
abundence
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
gives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
the power to
Possible spelling mistake found.
puurchase
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
car,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or travel abroad that leads to a happy state of mind.

Secondly
, being
economically
sound
also
gives us an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the needy and poor, which cannot happen if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds. Giving back to the society
also
creates a feeling of
Possible spelling mistake found.
contenment
and pleasure for a human being. Social work such as starting a charity and offering financial aid to weaker sections in society needs funding which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be viable if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is wealthy. To illustrate, charity organizations set up by business tycoons such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ratan
Tata, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
examples of social service.

In conclusion
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then they will not be in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
postion
to afford material desires or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the poor that are in need.
Further
to this, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
wuill
always
be dissatisfied
and unhappy.
Hence
, achieving happiness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long drawn
dream.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness. However, others believe that happiness has nothing to do with money. Give your own opinion and examples.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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