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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

Once an individual graduates from high school or college, they spend rest of their lives working and trying to earn a living. We have often heard of people working for the same organization all their lives. Most people who are associated with same organization usually work in the government sectors. Government sector jobs can be fulfilling as there is job guarantee and security compared to private companies. The reason for people to work with the organization could be job security, working environment with friendly co workers and higher management. Overall, these factors make people stick to the organization till they could retire. On the other hand, there are people who opine that it is conducive to work with different organizations. Working with different organizations can give an individual different perspectives and opportunities. Each organization varies in terms of its work policies, work environment, pattern of work. To work with different organization allows you to grow and challenge yourself as you work with various organizations. You will get a chance to interact with people from different backgrounds which will eventually allow you to learn and prepare yourself for better opportunities. In my opinion, I believe that working with different organizations is better than working for the same organization all your working life. Working with different organizations will provide an individual with better opportunities in terms of career growth. One can discover their passion and calling when they work at different places and realize what kind of work actually makes them happy and satisfied.
Once an individual graduates from high school or college, they spend rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and trying to earn a living. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are associated
with same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
sector jobs can be fulfilling as there is job guarantee and security compared to private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. The reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
could be job security,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment with friendly
This expression is normally spelled as one or with a hyphen.
co workers
and higher management.
Overall
, these factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
till they could retire.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who opine that it is conducive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
can give an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspectives and opportunities. Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
varies in terms of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
policies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, pattern of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to grow and challenge yourself as you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. You will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds which will
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to learn and prepare yourself for better opportunities.

In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
is better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organization
all your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
will provide an individual with better opportunities in terms of career growth. One can discover their passion and calling when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places and realize what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them happy and satisfied.
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IELTS essay One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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