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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

A large number of museums are not free of charge, however, other do not need payment. It is clearly seen that drawbacks overweight benefits because the advantage is quality of service in museum, in contrast, disadvantages are the little number of people who can afford to visit museums charging and uninteresting pupils and students into history. On one hand, it experience positive aspect on work of museum. High salary can encourage employer to do considerable level of work and make pro. If museum workers witnessed comfortable quantity to work, they would work better. Following this, if service is high, the amount of individuals who visit museums will increase, as a result income will be enough to improve museum. On the other hand, firstly, a little number of people can afford to arrive to museums. The reason of it, they cannot have enough interest or budget on it. Secondly, students of schools likely do not have own fond on their hobbies and the payment to museum can damage their interest to history. For example, when I was studying at school I used be keen on history and I wanted to visit one fascinating museum, but I did not have finance for visiting it. According to statictics which was published in 2015, in BBC news, 79% pf people lost their interest when they realized that they need to pay for their hobbies. In conclusion, drawbacks are bigger than merits. Because there are two drawbacks, one of them is a little number of members of society who can approach museums with cost, the second is students can not afford to visit museum, as a result they will lose interest. However, the merit is high quality of museum and workers.
A large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are not free of charge,
however
, other do not need payment. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that drawbacks overweight benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the advantage is quality of service in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
in contrast
, disadvantages are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who can afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charging and uninteresting pupils and students into history.

On one hand, it
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “experiences”.
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
. High salary can encourage employer to do considerable level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pro. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
workers witnessed comfortable quantity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
better. Following this, if service is high, the amount of individuals who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will increase,
as a result
income will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
museum.

On the other hand
,
firstly
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can afford to arrive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. The reason of it, they cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
or budget on it.
Secondly
, students of schools likely do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fond on their hobbies and the payment to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can damage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
to history.
For example
, when I was studying at school I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
be keen on history and I wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
one fascinating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I did not have finance for visiting it. According to
Possible spelling mistake found.
statictics
which
was published
in 2015, in BBC news, 79% pf
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
when they realized that they need to pay for their hobbies.

In conclusion
, drawbacks are bigger than merits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are two drawbacks, one of them is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of members of society who can approach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with cost, the second is students can not afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
,
as a result
they will lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
.
However
, the merit is high quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and workers.
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IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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