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On the one hand given the fact that most of people have a hectic lifestyle.in addition,They are under lots of pressures about their job,they

On the one hand given the fact that most of people have a hectic lifestyle. in addition, They are under lots of pressures about their job, they 2R1gk
It is claimed by some, people are responsible for their own health and cost of medical treatment should not become gratis. In my opinion although health protection must be considered by every person in order to stay healthy, relevant organisations have a significant responsibility to support individual not only in financial situation, but also in health requirement. On the one hand given the fact that most of people have a hectic lifestyle. in addition, They are under lots of pressures about their job, they hardly have a suffiecient time to do exercise and setting efficient diet. accordingly, it is possible that sever health problems are created. because of this, medical health has becomed a main issue in society. If several actions are taken into consideration by individuals this problem can be solved to large extent. First and foremost people shoud turn into consuming organically grown products and homemade food rather than junk food, since this kind of food not only contains too much salt, fat, and sugar but also lacks mineral and vitamin. as a consequence, this lead to some serious diseases such as blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. other point to consider is individuals must provide a well balanced diet according to dieticians advice in order to eat high nutritional value foods. for example, vegetables, fruit, fish meat, and milk. finally, one of the best way which people can benefit greatly from this is doing exercise because this can bring about lot of advantages. for instance, this will be able to reduce risks of heart diseases and burn Calories. furthermore, it can improve people health in terms of mentally and physically. on the other hand besides personal about responsibility about health, health maintenance organisations and governments have a prominent role to improve community health. in other words, they should free any charge about medical treatment, especially for those who live below in the poverty line or have a job with low salary, as they are not able to cover their healthing process financially. Secondly some illnesses such as asthma cancer and genetic diseases are almost out of control. secondly, some dangerous illnesses not only are out of their control but also contain high medical expenses. for example, cancer, asthma, and genetic diseases. consequently, governments should make the relavent institutions responsible for supporting them. In conclusion, some people bleive that each person is responsible for their wellbeing and they cannot supported by relevant organisations in terms of financial assistances. furthermore, health expenses should not be free. I personally think despite the fact that people have a powerful effect on their health, They must be supported financially particularly those who have a poor life.
It
is claimed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment should not become gratis. In my opinion although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
protection
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
by every person in order to stay healthy, relevant
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
have a significant responsibility to support individual not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in financial situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
requirement.

On the one hand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the fact that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a hectic lifestyle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition, They are under lots of pressures about their job, they hardly have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
suffiecient
time to do exercise and setting efficient diet.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
accordingly
, it is possible that sever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems
are created
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
has
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "became", the past tense form of the verb 'become'?
becomed
a main issue in society.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
several actions
are taken
into consideration by individuals this problem can
be solved
to large extent.
First
and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
turn into consuming
organically
grown products and homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rather
than junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, since this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
contains too much salt,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, and sugar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lacks mineral and vitamin.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a consequence, this lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
other
point to consider is individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
diet according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
advice in order to eat high nutritional value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, vegetables, fruit, fish meat, and milk.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, one of the best way which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit
greatly
from this is doing exercise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can bring about
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
advantages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, this will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and burn Calories.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in terms of mentally and
physically
.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the other hand
besides
personal

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
about
responsibility about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
maintenance
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have a prominent role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
other words, they should free any charge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment,
especially
for those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below in the poverty line or have a job with low salary, as they are not able to cover their
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthing
process
financially
.

Secondly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illnesses such as asthma cancer and genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are almost out of control.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
illnesses not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are out of their control
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
contain high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, cancer, asthma, and genetic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
relavent
institutions responsible for supporting them.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
bleive
that each person is responsible for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wellbeing and
they cannot
The verb 'cannot' requires the base form of the verb: "support"
supported
by relevant
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
in terms of financial
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistances
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
expenses should not be free. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a powerful effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supported
financially
particularly
those who have a poor life.
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IELTS essay On the one hand given the fact that most of people have a hectic lifestyle. in addition, They are under lots of pressures about their job, they

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
444 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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